Incendiary Hearts

Chapter fifteen

On his way home that same evening, Michael's thoughts had more than convinced him he should at least apologize to Kevin for his behavior these last couple of days. And for today. Man, he'd really been a jerk, hadn't he?

But what he didn't have, was the brainpower to come up with an answer to all his troubles and questions. He simply didn't know what to do. If he could only get a sign. Any sign, to tell him which path to take. The one built on guilt that he'd carved out for himself as some sort of retribution, or the one based on hopes and dreams he'd never had the strength to truly erase. Also, he still wasn't sure what he wanted, what he was after... well, that wasn't true, he knew what he wanted, but after everything that had happened, he was also aware of what he deserved. So, one could see his predicament if one wanted to. Either way, he still needed to apologize. Therefor, that was what he should do when he got home, he old himself, to go up to Kevin's apartment and apologize. And that's exactly what he intended to do. As soon as he'd parked his car and entered the building, he went up the stairs and knocked on the door. A couple of seconds ticked by and then he knocked again.

No answer.

No sounds were coming from inside the apartment. Maybe Kevin wasn't home? But where the hell would he be if he wasn't home? A conversation, held a couple of weeks ago, made itself reminded. This is a nice place, Michael had said. Yeah, we come here most weekends, Kevin had replied. Michael wondered if that applied to weekdays as well. Well, there's only one way to find out, Michael thought as he went back down stairs and headed outside.

A few of miles away, Kevin was sitting in a bar with Savannah and Scott, wallowing in self-pity.

"So he slept with you and never called you afterward?" Savannah asked, looking miffed to say the least.

"Yeah," Kevin huffed and took a big chug from his beer.

"What a douche," she grumbled.

"Ha," Kevin exclaimed without any happiness. He hadn't told them their full story, just that Kevin had liked him since they were teenagers, but not that they'd made love back then, or how Michael, previously known as Mike, had already broken his heart once. No, those parts remained untold. But he had shared with them that he and Michael had started hanging out since a few months back, how his feelings had resurfaced, but he avoided the admittance that they had never truly disappeared, how Michael had crashed at his place after losing his keys, how they'd ended up drinking and reminiscing, and then how Michael had snuck into his bed in the middle of the night. That they'd slept together. That Michael had left early and abruptly, they didn't need to know that his parents had interrupted them, and then how he hadn't returned any of Kevin's texts or calls. How angry he'd gotten over Kevin's surprise visit to the station earlier today. Yeah, he kept them on a need-to-know basis, not more. Some things, he wanted to stay personal, but he still felt the need to vent or it felt like he was going to go insane.

"Is he closeted, or what's his deal?" Scott, who'd stayed silent during most of the talk, asked.

"I think it's partly because of that, but also because he was best friends with my big brother."

"Yeah, I suppose that must feel weird," Savannah agreed.

"Then he shouldn't have slept with Kevin in the first place," Scott objected.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Savannah murmured. "So, how you doing, like, right now?" She inquired, reaching out a hand to squeeze Kevin's, which was resting on the table.

"Honestly? I don't know," Kevin sighed and took another chug of his beer. "There was a part of me that really hoped we'd get together after that night. But now, now I don't know if he'll ever want to."