Incendiary Hearts

Chapter Twenty

"You ready, son?" Henry asked as Kevin entered the hallway.

"Yeah," Kevin breathed, nodding his head. He put on his shoes and the three family members left the house and got in the car.

It was a silent ride. Kevin didn't have much to say. Hadn't merely spoken during these last couple of day's he'd stayed at his parents. He just didn't have much to say, but his parents were growing worried. They had said time heals all wounds, and Kevin truly believed that, but this was a deep wound. A very deep one, indeed. He looked beyond the windowpane, at the trees passing. It was a beautiful, sunny day. Even though they were reaching the end of autumn and the air was crisp, it was still nice. Felt fresh.

Good for a new start.

They soon reached the parking lot, and his father parked the car. They stepped out and headed for the graveyard. The grave was lying almost at the top of a hill and had a beautiful view behind it.

Kevin let his parents have their conversation with their oldest son and watched as his mother carefully placed the white lilies next to the headstone. Jonathan's favorite flower, even though he'd never admitted it out loud.

As always, when his parents were done talking to Jonathan, they went for a walk, allowing Kevin his alone time with his older brother. "Hi there," Kevin whispered as he sat down next to the grave. "I hope you're doing well up there. Unfortunately, I'm not doing so well down here. Pretty shitty actually," he admitted. "I tried my best to get Michael, I really did. But I guess it wasn't enough." He looked up at the sky, blinking away the never-ending tears. "Maybe it was never enough." One tear escaped from its cages and slowly found its way down his cheek. "I just don't know where to go from here," he whispered while touching Jonathan's grave with the tips of his fingers, hoping it would help him find the strength he needed to move on. "All I've ever wanted in my life was Michael. How do you stop wanting something like that?" He asked with a trembling voice, his heart clawing painfully at the inside of his chest. He was on the verge of a breakdown; he could feel it in the deepest depths of his bones. "I just... I just don't know..." he whispered, letting the sentence die out, mirroring the way his heart seemed to be slowly losing its beat. "I have to get back to school tomorrow, I can't miss more than I already have, but I'll probably be back soon," he said, as he stood up, wishing he could just stay here, in the safe confinements of the place he grew up in, with his family. But as heartbroken as you might be, life still goes on. The hours pass. Just like life itself. He dusted off the dirt from his pants, but didn't leave, not yet. He didn't want to. "Michael told me what happened that day. You know, he blames himself for it. But I don't, and I know you wouldn't either. You were both just doing your job." Kevin whispered wholeheartedly. He looked down at the grave that held his beloved brother, knowing, just knowing, that he agreed with him.

"Do you remember the dinner on your fourteen's birthday? You, me, Jonathan, your mom, and dad were sitting in the fine dining room, eating your favorite food. Pancakes with syrup."

Kevin's whole body froze to the ground. Was he hearing things? Had he finally taken the step over the line and gone completely mad? It wouldn't surprise him if he had. The whole world had turned on its axis a couple of days ago. Maybe this was the next natural step for him. Just to make sure, though, he turned his head ever so slightly and looked through his peripheral vision.

He was here.

Michael was here.

The whisper of Kevin's previously strong, beating heart dared a little thud that reverberated throughout his body, all the way to the tip of his fingers. What was he doing here?

He's probably here for the same reason you are. To pay his respects to Jonathan.

Since Kevin hadn't said anything, Michael continued. He tried to ignore the fact that his voice shook, almost as badly as his body did. "When the birthday cake was presented to you, you closed your eyes, made a wish and blew out the fourteen candles, all at ones." He smiled at the memory of what came next. "Only a second later you told us what you'd wished for. A boyfriend." Michael paused when Kevin finally turned toward him, but soon continued, taking it as a good sign. "Not a girlfriend, but a boyfriend, because you're gay. Just like that, you had said it. Like it was no big deal at all. It really was a coming out party, huh?" Michael smiled shortly for himself before growing somber again. "I loved how relaxed your parents were in that moment. They didn't make a fuss over the fact that you'd just declared you liked people of the same sex. Not a single one." He finally met Kevin's gaze. Took in the surprised eyes, the stiff stance, the features of the boy he loved to no end.