Close Or Far From The Law

Chapter 32 : 31. Confidence and ball

Can we talk, puppy?

Harry had seen him coming, with that worried look and his hands fiddling with each other. He looked up from his book and invited Sirius to come sit on the sofa with him, with a pat of his hand on the fabric. Since Voldemort's departure, his godfather had not been acting well and Harry had seen him thinking about how to tell him things. Quite a fun thing. He had constantly been told that Sirius Black was impulsive and spoke before thinking. And now it had taken him almost three hours before coming to find him for this famous discussion. He found it… adorable. Harry was genuinely touched that this man was trying to do his best when he wasn't really equipped to deal with the situation.

-I'm listening to you, Siri, tell me everything.

His godfather opened his mouth except that no sound came out. He tried again, sighed and called Tulip to have the house elf serve them some tea. Harry marked his page and placed his book on the small table next to him. So that Sirius couldn't read the title, he wanted to surprise him. After all, being an animagus was a sort of tradition that they had established, these dear Marauders. Sirius leaned further against the sofa cushions to finally grab one and play with it. Unable to look at him. Harry didn't take it badly, the conversation was going to be difficult, for both of them. Even if he had had time to see it coming and prepare for it...

-It's about Him.

-I know.

-Harry… Puppy… He's not a good person.

Harry burst out laughing. That was the understatement of the day. Tulip served tea but without cupcakes, a sign that dinner was going to be served. Harry poured two cups but didn't put any sugar in his own. Not at that time anymore.

-Sirius, do you really think that I am blind to what he is? Whose name is it? He tried to kill me at the end of first year, I felt his desire to see me die like a hand on my throat trying to choke me. The mocking and contemptuous glee of his memory at the end of my second year was excruciating. Even now, I don't know how I fought against it and I still consider it a miracle that I managed.

Harry felt that he now had his godfather's full attention and now that the floodgates were open, he knew that he was not going to stop talking immediately.

-I know who he is because to make me obey, he threatens my friends, my family, you. Especially you. He has no qualms about getting what he wants, he has the power to take it so he does. When he is at the head of the country, it will be... How can I put it... Yes, it will be a dictatorship. He will be at the head of all this and the Death Eaters will make the recalcitrant obey. Or they will kill them, it remains to be seen.

Harry feared him, he really did. He didn't want to see people suffer and he knew that Voldemort found him too kind and too gentle with fools.

-The problem is that people aren't just black or white and you know that's true. Yes, Voldemort is a cruel and domineering man who wants to take control of this world. But not just to enslave him, he really wants to protect him and make him grow. He truly believes he has good goals and good decisions for our world to survive and continue. He can be wrong, he can fail. However, what he offers is not bad. It's the way he acts that's wrong.

Harry had his eyes on his tea, his glasses a little foggy from the wisp of steam that rose from it. Except he couldn't see it, now he had a chance to unpack all his thoughts and actually confide in someone.

-I have no idea if it's possible to make him act any other way. I'm really trying to make him fairer if nothing else and... I know, I'm only a teenager, what influence could I really have over him? He... Sometimes, when I see him, I feel like I'm facing a force of nature, that it's better to let myself be carried away because any resistance is futile anyway.