The Soul Searchers [EN]

Chapter 1

It's weird how your brain keeps hoping, even when it already knows it is a lost case. My heart is pounding like crazy as Mrs. Milligan reads the list with the Selected out loud. Everyone in the Great Hall hold their breath. After all, the Selected can leave the school to go actually intertwine with a Lost Soul. No more exercises, but a real person that will need our help. Finally, the Selected could leave The Periculum behind them. That has been my dream for years: walking out of the school, in the knowledge I'll never have to return back there.

The Periculum is an old and chilly building, which perfectly represents the atmosphere in here. The only thing you can watch with a little bit fascination, are the arch structures of the school. All the bricks are grey and the chairs and tables are made of dark brown wood. There is nothing hanging on the wall: no paintings, no pictures, no nothing. They clearly didn't make any effort to make this building at least a little bit atmospheric and cozy. Something typical for soul searchers: no distractions, focus on your task, nothing more nothing less.

With every name mentioned that is not mine, I get more nervous. I fiddle with the fabric of my dress. I'm not on that list. I know it for sure. Nevertheless, I keep hoping. I propably got that from my father. He always said, "hope will never harm", but I doubt if he meant false hope with that too. After all, my hope couldn't be falser. I'm just not good enough, end of the discussion. I cringe at that thought. I always used to tell myself that I wasn't good enough, yet. Now, I have to face the fact that I am never going to be good enough and I will have to spend the rest of my life in The Periculum. Not being good enough is a terrible feeling. Realizing that all your hard work will never pay off is even more painful.

"Those were all the Selected for this summer", says Mrs. Milligan.

I heave a disappointed sigh. My hope for freedom, my hope of finally getting out of here, goes up in smoke. Everybody around me stands up. The room gets filled with cheerful chatter as everybody gathers their stuff. No one seems to bother not being one of the Selected as much as I do. Maybe that's because no one wants to leave as badly as I do. While everyone leaves the Great Hall, I remain seated. I stare in front of me and watch how the lucky ones proudly receive their diplomas. Some of them are much younger than I am, the youngest is just nine years old.

I am startled by a warm breath in my neck and I freeze when I smell the sweet perfume: Chayenne. "You're hopeless, Auria."

I hold my breath until Chayenne finally disappears through that door. Her whispers has always been the most painful for me to listen to: In the hall when she spreads rumours about me, in class when she softly whispers to her friends that they should look at the clothes I am wearing, but the worst whispers are the whispers which are loud enough to know they are about me, but too soft to hear what they are saying. The conspiratorial laughs of Chayenne and her friends give me a bellyache.

Actually, I don't even know why Chayenne is still staying at The Periculum in the first place. She is the best of the school. And yet the Elite has never put her on the list with the Selected. When I finally found the courage to get up and keep on going, I walk towards my bedroom.

Since winter, I've had one for myself. My roommate, Karin, was one of the Selected. She was overjoyed. I tried to let her see that I was happy for her. I was, but the fact that she was selected and I wasn't stung. Karin was my only friend in this school and the thought of being on my own, kept me awake for nights.

I don't want to be alone. Since I was a kid, I've always searched for the bigger groups. In a group I felt saver and the many people around me prevented me from worrying about the future.

In the long cold hall I slow my pace. It has become a habit for me to always look outside the enormous windows. It is my consolation. The buildings that start at the end of the forest border are literally my light in the darkness. It helps me to keep my head up. I look longingly at the city, which is so close yet so far. Even though it's only Sunday, I already yearn for Friday evening. At Friday's, we are always allowed to leave the school to go do something fun. Most of the times I go to the hobby shop or the florist. In front of the florist's window there is a bench and there is sitting a little old lady regularly, with who I always have a little chat. Then, I always buy a bouquet of flowers with the brightest colours to put in my room. It's the only colourful in my life, literally.