Calum
Why do bad guys always get what they DON'T deserve? I have the most gorgeous girl I've ever fucking seen in my whole god damn life, wrapped up in my arms asleep, and I don't deserve her one bit.
I've fucked up so much in just the past month, but she's somehow mine now? Not that I'm complaining, I'm really fucking happy I have her, it just doesn't make sense.
When I look at her, I see perfection. The world stops moving. My mind just focuses on her. She makes my heart race, my palms sweaty, my stomach does somersaults. My brain goes fuzzy and I can't think right. I always get scared I'll say the wrong thing around her. When she touches me, I freeze. I feel like my heart stops beating. Yeah, I come up with dirty one liners, or make a joke, but fuck, she makes me so god damn nervous. She's a literal angel, like she smiles and its like the sun shines a little brighter every time.
Like, why do good girls go for bad guys? I'm not saying she's a good girl (she's really fucking not), but she deserves so much better. She deserves a guy whose not gonna fuck someone else after he admits his feelings for her. She deserves someone who doesn't get mad jealous of her walking with someone. She deserves someone who will treat her right, like princess she is. Someone better than me.
I want to treat right, I want to make her the happiest she's ever been. I want her to be as happy as she is when the pizza dude arrives. I want to be the reason her eyes light up when she smiles. I just want to be the reason she smiles.
But I know, me fucking being me, I'm gonna fuck up and I won't get her back this time.
She could've went out with Michael, he treats her nice. He can probably make her cum with just his smile, but she chose me.
I'm completely baffled.
I looked down at her. Her face was buried in my neck, her mouth was parted slightly and her chest rose and fell slowly. God, she looked so cute.
I'm so in love with this tiny blonde girl that it hurts me.
It scares me because like, you hear stories about best friends falling in love and dating, but then they break up and never speak again. What if that happens to us? I just can't lost her.
Everytime I ask Mali, she says fuck it. She says, we're only young once, why not take the risks? Fall in love, do some drugs, get in a fight, live your life. If we truly love eachother, nothing will matter. Nothing can get between us. She always tells me, "Aim high, because no matter where you land, you'll always land some where." I think about it a lot. It's what keeps me going.
My dad tells me go for it, try it out. Since we're so close, if it doesn't work out, it won't matter after because our friendship is so strong.
Mum agrees. She likes Cameron. I like Cameron.
I like Cameron a lot.
I like her blonde hair, and her chocolate brown eyes. I like her smile and how her left eye is kinda droopy. I love her lil' freckles and her nose.
I love her personality. She's so bubbly, but she's also an asshole. Her ADD adds to her humour, and sometimes she'll say something that makes you laugh for a week, even though she'll forget about it in an hour. She's an old soul, so she understands everything better. She gets it. She's so easy to talk to. She's fun to be around. She's like nicotine. One taste and you're addicted. In any context, that works.
She paints. When we were kids she used to paint our faces, sometimes animals, sometimes dead things, sometimes we were princesses. Her room has an entire wall dedicated to us, we would sit down and paint once a year on a single day. They started from age 6 and stopped when we were 15. It got too full. When Nevia happened, Cameron wanted to hurt herself, so I said hurt me. She couldn't do it, so I said paint me. I had a galaxy on my arm for a week.
When she doesn't take her medicine, that's when she's her best. Yeah, she's a little angrier, but she shows you who she really is without the fake calm. She does get annoying after a while because she won't fucking sit still or shut up, but I can deal with it.
She cusses a lot, and I like it. Fuck is her filler her word. If she can't process a sentence, she repeats "fuck" or "fucking." I like when she cusses me out, because she opens up and expresses her feelings in a way that works for her and that you can understand.. if you look past fuck being every other word. She reads a lot too, so when she does it it's like Shakespeare and a Sailor had a kid.
When she speaks, she's got a raspy, Australian accent. I fall in love every time she speaks. When she's mad, it's not even english anymore. I used to like to get her mad, because she talks with her hands. They go in every direction, while she yells in what could be mistaken as a foreign language. She's just an angry Australian worm. I can't piss her off anymore. She's gotten too mean. She made me cry last time. And that was like, three months ago. (We don't talk about it.) I love her voice. She could talk me to sleep.
I like it better when she sings me to sleep. She used to. Then one day she just stopped. I miss it.
Everyone falls in love with her in one way or another. It's impossible not to. It's just hard for her to actually love someone back.
Especially an asshole like me. She told me to break the walls, but I planned to do it differently. I wanted her to trust me. Part of me feels like she doesn't anymore. And that's okay. I'll earn it back.
Because she means more to me than anything, and I won't lose her over one of my dumbass mistakes.
=
i felt like it was time for a calum chapter
and what better way to do it than this
ig this is a filler
but idc
i like how it turned out
ok
ty ily bye
