If You'd Be So Willing

it's over and we know

"This was a home once. With so much love comes so much pain." - This Was A Home Once by Bad Suns

Ryan's feet shuffled along the carpet of your livingroom. Her socked feet were sure to be conjuring up an electric shock that she was going to accidentally place upon you inevitably.

You took a few seconds to take in her outfit. You had birthed a bit of a fashion icon. She took after you in that department. You were happy to pass off the duty of making sure Tobin looked presentable to Christen as soon as she was willing to take over.

Ryan had been dressing herself just about as soon as she could walk. She had on a pair of straight leg jeans with a plain t-shirt and jean jacket over it. Her outfit matched yours perfectly, you weren't sure if she had done that on purpose.

She held a necklace Tobin had gifted her in her hands. Seemingly reluctant to ask for your help to put it on like she normally would.

"Everything okay, babygirl?"

Said babygirl looked up at you with sad eyes, "Do I have to go to therapy today? I got upset last time and I didn't like it."

You sighed and set your purse back down on the end table you had just gathered it from.

Ryan watched as you approached her. You stopped in front of, placing your hands under her arms and gathering her in your arms with a grunt so you were face to face.

Ryan let out a small giggle.

"You know, pretty soon you're going to be picking me up and maybe even changing my diapers."

Ryan's little nose scrunched up, "Eww, Mommy. That's gross."

"I did it for you. Anyway, baby, I know therapy can be a lot, but you have to go so you can get those feelings out. It's hard to talk about our feelings, but it's not safe to keep them in for long. You know how we go to your doctor sometimes even when you're not sick?"

Ryan nodded slowly in understanding.

"Well, every couple of weeks we gotta do the same for your feelings. You stay healthy for soccer that way." You wiggled your fingers at Ryan's stomach, causing her to giggle and squirm out of your arms.

"Why don't you go to therapy then, Mommy?"

You're not proud of yourself for the surprised sputter you let out, nor the fact that you didn't expect that question from your inquisitive child.

"You have feelings, too, and I know there's some stuff you can't tell me because I'm too young to understand yet. Oh, I know! Alex can be your therapist! She listens really well when I tell her my feelings." Ryan smiled triumphantly as if she had just figured out time travel.

"Alex doesn't have a license." You blinked.

Ryan blinked back at you in confusion. She's seven, she has no clue what a therapist license is.

You pretended to look at your watch, "Oh, would you look at the time! We're going to be late for your appointment! Get on your shoes!"

You just might be a horrible mother.

~♤~

Ryan colored in the picture she had drawn. This was her favorite activity during her therapy sessions. She much preferred it over the video games and other playthings in her therapist's office.

Determined to color inside the lines she had created, she stuck her tongue out in concentration.

"Can I join you, Ryan?"

Ryan nodded but didn't look up from her masterpiece.

"What are we drawing?"

"Well, I already drew everything but you can help me color in the sky, Dr. Wilson. It has to be pink, though."