My Christian Story on Notes

The Prayer

"This heart is so broken, I hope it stops beating", I said as I fix my eyes at the sea.

I glanced at him before returning my gaze upfront me.

"I am looking at life with a different lens now. I grew up seeing this whole place as my home then eventually thinking that this is where my home is. But if this is home or where home is, why am I feeling homesick now? This world doesn't feel like home anymore, and I've realized that it never should have been in the first place. I pray at night not for my circumstances to change anymore. I do not expect for this life to be good anyway. I do not wish to feel alive; surviving this life is good enough for me. To get done what needs to be done, that's what matters to me now.

I'm hopeless in this life yet there is hope at the same time. Yes, I'm so full of hope like I never knew I would have, just not for this lifetime –I am at a long pause here for the life I desire.

But do you know what I do hope for? I hope that after this life is the best one to come. I hope for the realization of my unmet expectations, broken dreams, unfulfilled longings; I hope for a second time around. It thrills me just thinking of the undreamed possibilities that could unfold before mine eyes."

I paused and looked at him.

"And do you want to know what I pray for everyday?"

"I hope to see everyone of you there."

– My Christian Notes // in the afterlife

Related Bible verses:

"If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable."- 1 Corinthians 15:19

"But as it is written,eye hath not seen,nor ear heard,neither have entered into the heart of manthe things that God hath prepared for them that love Him."- 1 Corinthians 2:9

(Background: I have yet my younger brother in our family to receive Christ as his Lord and Savior.)