My Christian Story on Notes

The Year-end

So what have you done this year?

"Not much really. But if you'd ask me what God has done for me this year, I would say a lot."

2022 has been a year of so many heartbreaks for me. If I'd be honest, I wished to just die before last year end and face not this year where I expect to experience my first whole year of grief waves: the first day of the year without having to anticipate weekends, holidays, long drives —365 days with him; my first Hearts' Day celebration without the person I love; his first birthday when I think I wouldn't be able to say a 'Happy birthday'; his first death anniversary I wouldn't ever wanted to commemorate, our anniversary date he wasn't able to wait, the 'Happy birthday's, 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy new year' I can't greet his family with, and I think I'll keep on hating my birthday for the rest of my days.

I wanted deliverance.
I want a Red Sea miracle.

I want a kind of grace that will deliver me out of my own enemy —my life.

All night, I pray for His delivering grace but God keeps on giving me His sustaining grace instead.

I've always wanted deliverance but He gave me sustenance.
I just wanted to just pass through my own Red Sea
but He made me swim through it — and all along, He was with me.

God's sustaining grace was He, Himself.

It was Him who made me get through my 365 days this year. He made me accomplish just what I can without overthinking about the future and without falling apart thinking I have been a failure.

It was Him who sustained me with eternal hopes when I have lost my every single desire in this world.

He gave me reasons to get up from my bed for 365 days, because most days, I just really wanted to rest in peace.

And I know I had weakly held unto God on most days but I thank God for holding me strong for 365 days.

The pain is still here but God —still here— makes it bearable.

Indeed sometimes God calms the storm but other times, He calms His child.

And He does that every day, He never gets tired.

- My Christian Story on Notes

Related Bible verses:

"For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

- 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

"Hast thou not known? has thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of His understanding."

- Isaiah 40:28