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I haven't even finished my coffee-
HI- hi. Big thanks to my daughter Feather for reminding me that I'm on here too. I've been on a real ride. Not a super depressing one though, I can actually say that I am living my best life. I'm proud to be a silly creature :3

Well anyway, it's not like this hasn't happened before, I often times get into having a journal and then I forget it exists/forget to do anything in it because hand writing for too long hurts, so then journaling feels like a chore and then I don't do it. It's tradition of an artist, truly. But I'm glad to step into a fresh room of writing potential.

Honestly I'm considering going outside my house but I can't afford or write anything out there. Only draw and hand write and loiter. Can't believe they banned chilling bro. Wtf you mean I can't loiter here? My feet hurt mf I ain't no athlete. Look at my thicc thighs bitch lemme rest. Lol-

Man I missed rambling here with music in the background. Btw, I'm working on a massive bimbo core playlist on Amazon music. Tryna make it super fun and stuff. Might be cool idk- anywho. May is national writing month which is awesome so I'm finally back in the spirits of writing.

MY MUSIC CRASHED- XD Okay, listen, if you've been reading for a long time you know that these things take hours to do bc adhd and all that, so just now, I was tryna go down my playlist of 990 songs to add the songs that I hadn't yet added while listening to music and it crashedddd- this happens pretty often tbh but it's like- bro X3 the music app couldn't handle my music. >:3
Anyway-

So yeah I'm working on this fresh project that's the most morally dark gray thing I've done. Purely because it has real people. That's right, I'm going under. I'm swimming with the feens of weird morals. It's fucked up, I know that well. That's the point though. I might not post it just cuz but I have worked on other morally dark things too. Depends on my mood ya know?

Usually something, in my own opinion, that's my own creation, is only "fucked up" and morally dark because it has real people. Like.. sexual trauma? Eh, just an everyday angst fic. Child abuse? Yeah, shit happens, if it's handled well I give it applause. But, fanfiction with real people, not just their characters/persona's? That's masterfully horrid sinning if I do say so. However, worry not, I'm still sticking to my rule of having it be only the person's character, not the individual themselves irl.

It's my one rule set in stone and it's easy to not break it. Plus it's already a thin line that doesn't really do much aside from give you justification for writing it in the first place so might as well keep it up. ... damn I want to be in public. But like.. idk man. I usually need someone with me so that it doesn't feel weird. Like I know I made the loitering joke already but I seriously don't want to break any rules or nothing. I'm a goodie two shoes alright don't @ me. (I don't like disappointing or angering ppl)

I can try to set up something I suppose, just kinda hard to weight out when I want to do something verses the time it takes for me to get ready verses the time I'll spend being outside verses how long I can take before the busses are out of service. I can take a bus somewhere no problem but it's getting back home that's a little difficult, especially by night fall.

Like most busses clock out like half an hour before midnight so by then your shit out of luck and just have to walk or wait until 5:40 - 6 ol clock in the morning. And I'm not planning or preparing to be out that long. That's more dangerous. Fuck I'm indecisive. It's just kinda like what do I do for that long when I'm not at home and don't drink? Fucking nothing. Aside from trying to get a ride which is putting myself in huge unnecessary danger, I can only sit for awhile pretty much.

Idk sorry I'm just tryna work these thoughts out. It's hard to not get stuck downtown just because I was having fun too long and now I can't get home and safe. I feel like this wouldn't be such an issue if I had some money to do something fun, I have spare change and a single dollar to my name man. I'm not getting in any club and frankly I don't even want to do club stuff. It's simply not my style, no disrespect.