My Thoughts Taint Your Look [ a regretevator partybeetle au ] [SMUTFIC]

My thoughts ( A.N )

So. MTTYL is done. What now?

well to be blunt, nothing else is planned. This account will now be abandoned. While I will read comments then and there and interact with other fics, I'm not going to do much with this account anymore. I was originally going to l make a oneshot book and an art book, but I believe it's better to just leave this vent fic as the only fic on this account.

This fic was uhm, an experience to say the least. I don't even know how I managed to write 45k words in a month, let alone for a fic. Like I said in some comments, I have not written fanfics in a few years. That's pretty much why the first half of the fic was uh...yeah. It was bad.

I think another factor in why the fic turned out bad is because this was all made in a month. And when I say in a month, I mean from the simple idea up until the story ending. That meant I had not much time to think about consistieses and important factors in the fic. That's why a lot of stuff that seemed important were soon dropped. To be honest, I didn't need to try to finish this in one month. But somehow I dedicated my entire free time on this.

like I said. I started writing this as a huge vent fest. This is because last month I had the worst hypersexual episode. As someone who has been dealing with this discover for more than half of my life now, I never thought it would get that bad, during the episode, I logged onto A03 after a year and got curious and searched up regretevator smut. I don't even know why since I'm not even that big of a regretevator fan. (I fucking love phighting.)

anyways. There was a particular ship that caught my interest, Partybeetle. After a bit of reading fics that contained this ship, I had a funny idea. An idea to make a small vent fic about the ship. And oh boy. This happened.

Originally this was going to stick as just a hypersexual vent fic but things happened. I suddenly started getting nightmares again about people that Poob's friends in the fic are based on. So obviously I used this fic as an outlet. I kinda wish I written the plot B better. It's...cringy. I guess. It did make me smile whenever people would throw insults at the friends. It felt a little nice.

so uh anyways. The ending. Yeah.

the ending was always planned to have Poob die. A lot of the story ideas changed dramatically during the making of this fic, but the ending always stuck. And I do agree that it's depressing. With a life Poob has in the fic, you would've imagined I would be kind enough to let them have a happy life in the end.

but Poob to me is a what if. What if I killed myself 11 months ago? What if I never got to tell my friends 'I love you' one more time? What if I never got to live to see me getting justice from what shitty people did to me? What if I never tried to fight back no matter how bad my life got?

im just happy I didn't commit. I'm happy I'm alive. Even if I am still suffering from the past and the present, I am alive and happy.

I think at the end of the day, I'm happy how this fic turned out. However, I'm not too proud of being associated with this fic. That's why I won't link my main to this fic. Only a few friends know I'm behind this, and will most likely keep it a secret.

so anyways. A final few words:

to the people who related to this fic, I feel you. You're valid. And you're a very brave fighter. Hypersexuality is a bitch. And toxic friends are the worst. I hope you guys enjoy your lives. I hope your lives will turn out better. I'm proud of you for being alive.

hypersexuality is a bitch. But I hope I did justice by including such a topic in this fic. Please note not everyone's experience with Hypersexuality is the same. Hell, I don't relate to some things I wrote on Poob. If you want to do research in such a topic, go ahead! Please don't use this fic as a good rep thing. I don't want people stigmatizing this disorder because of a vent fic.

I need to sleep now. I'm going to take a huge break from writing. Maybe one day I'll make a new account and write more regretevator stories. Then again, I'd have to actually be in the fandom to do that. Oof.

with all that said...