Chef's Kiss

Chapter Seven

Vincent decided he needed some distance.

He needed distance- from this- from his feelings, his... thoughts, and Rody in general. Being around him only made them stronger, and he just... couldn't handle it... he knew that after a while, he wouldn't be able to control himself- or his feelings.

He hated this. It felt right, but he knew it was wrong- and he fucking hated it. He hated how he felt around Rody, he hated how fast his heart beated, he hated how much his face heated up, he hated how comfortable he felt around him, he hated.... he hated how much he- he loved him. He hated it all. He hated the feelings and hated himself for feeling them. He wanted to get rid of them more than anything- and the best solution to that was to avoid Rody, even if it costed him their friendship. 

Vincent believed that one day, Rody would find someone better than Vincent. Someone he deserved.

Someday, Rody would find someone who could truly make him happy. And Vincent would always be happy for him. 

Even if Rody ended up hating Vincent because of this.... it was for the best...

Vincent would be fine, as long as- as long as Rody- was happy....

♡ · ♡ · ♡ · ♡ · ♡

"Hey Vince-" 

Rody couldn't help but gasp when he saw Vincent. This time, he was the one who looked like he had gotten no sleep- and for once, his hair was messy. This was surprising, as Vincent was usually the one who looked more presentable than Rody. But that wasn't the most unsettling part- his facial expression was- well, cold. Like- cold as in how Vincent usually looked like when Rody first met him. Usually, Vincent would sort of act- in a way, more alive when he was around Rody, but today, he looked... well, just cold.

And, unlike the usual Vincent, he ignored Rody- Like he would sometimes do when him and Rody first met. Vincent would now usually be the first one to greet Rody with a slight smile, but today, he walked right past Rody as if he didn't exist. Rody didn't want to admit it, but he was more than disappointed. Was this because they had technically slept together? Was it obvious that Rody liked Vincent, and was that why Vincent was avoiding him? Even if they didn't sleep together sexually, did that make things awkward? Rody felt like crying.

That day at work felt like years. It was probably the slowest shift Rody had ever experienced. Usually, during his free time, Rody would have playful conversations with Vincent, but today, Vincent gave Rody the cold shoulder. He would completely ignore Rody whenever he tried to talk to him, and even refused to look at him whenever possible. 

After what felt like- well, his whole life, Rody finished up his shift. There was only one thing on his mind: 'Did I do something wrong?'

Rody couldn't take it any longer- he had to talk to Vincent. Rody walked up to Vincent's office, and for once, the door wasn't locked. He entered, but what he saw made his eyes well up with tears.

"...Vincent?"

Rody's voice was hoarse and he looked like he had seen a ghost. And to be honest, Rody would have rather seen a ghost than what he saw now. In front of him, Rody saw Vincent in the process of taking bandages off him arm, revealing- well, it looked terrible. Blood had leaked through the bandages, and the scars had become worse due to the bad treatment they got. They weren't bleeding as much, but they were dark red and swelling. There was some dried cloudy-yellowish discharge on the wounds. They were most likely infected by now. Vincent turned around, and when he saw who was standing there, he looked just as traumatized as Rody, if not more. 

"What... are you doing in my office, Rody? You shouldn't be here-" Vincent started.

"Vincent.. please, tell me.... why have you been doing this?"

Rody walked towards Vincent, but Vincent backed away. "I really don't want to talk about this-"

"Vincent, please.... I- I lo-" Rody paused. "I- care about you, and it hurts me- to see you like this... Is there something wrong or- at least tell me why you've been- hurting yourself-" 

Rody reached out to inspect Vincent's scars, and for a moment, Vincent paused. But then, Vincent pushed Rody away. "Get away from me!" As soon as the words left Vincent's mouth, he wished he had never spoken, especially after seeing the look on Rody's face. But he had to do this.

"Sorry, just... you shouldn't be here anyways, let's just forget about this, okay?" Vincent tried to speak as normally as possible, which was... almost impossible during this situation.

"C-can I a-at least p-properly clean and w-wrap those f-for you? P-please.... I d-don't want you t-to g-get infected..." Tears were streaming down Rody's face. Vincent avoided eye contact. "I'm fine, Rody, just... go home, your shift was already over anyways..." 

It took all the strength in Rody to walk out of the office. He was shattered into pieces inside. For some reason.. this hurt more than when he found out Manon was dead... and Vincent wasn't even dead! What surprised him was that- he almost said it... He nearly told Vincent he loved him... Was it true, though? Wad he just in denial? Was he really in love with Vincent? These questions haunted Rody as he walked out of the bistro and headed on his way home. Rody as only sure of one thing: Vincent could never love Rody back. That was pretty obvious, considering how Vincent acted around Rody today. He definitely hated Rody. 

Why didn't Rody want to give up? Vincent was once again just "Chef" to Rody again... So why did Rody want to keep trying? Vincent hated Rody, so why was Rody still in love with him? Rody should also hate Vincent, but... why? 

Rody walked into his apartment and fell to the floor, tears flowing down from his face. He didn't  care that it probably wasn't swept in years. He realized that if this hurt more than Manon's death... What would he do if one day, Vincent ended up dying? If seeing him hurt was enough to make Rody want to end it all, how would he ever live without Vincent? Rody couldn't handle this. He went up to his kitchen and grabbed a knife that he hadn't touched in... he couldn't remember, and he didn't care. He brought it up to his wrists, and hesitated. He had never committed self harm before, but he couldn't handle this... All of this was probably his fault... He raised the knife.

♡ · ♡ · ♡ · ♡ · ♡ 

Rody took a shaky breath. He walked up to the sink to wash his scars, which were gushing blood and stinging with pain that Rody could barely feel over his screaming thoughts. Rody's cuts hurt even more as they made contact with water, but he didn't react in the slightest- it couldn't compare to what he felt emotionally. Without Vincent... he felt like he had no purpose in life... He loved this man, and this man was now once again, just Rody's boss- just Chef. Rody considered Vincent the love of his life, while Vincent probably thought of Rody as his waiter- nothing more. 

Yet... even if Vincent hated Rody more than anything, even if Vincent broke Rody's heart a million times, Rody could never hate Vincent... Rody hated this feeling, but he knew he couldn't live a day without Vincent. He wanted to get rid of how he felt around Vincent, but he just couldn't- he was in love. Why- the one time he had to fall in love- why did the love of his life have to be his boss that was the same gender as him? Rody was basically asking for a death wish at this point- loving the same gender was practically illegal! Not to mention that the man he loved hated Rody and avoided him like the plague.

Knowing that Vincent now hated Rody completely broke him inside, though. Rody was devastated when he found out about Manon's death, but just knowing that Vincent not only was hurt, but hated Rody, was enough to outweigh the amount of sadness Rody felt when he had lost Manon for good. This was so wrong, yet... he couldn't control this feeling....

So... This is what heartbreak felt like...

-End of Chapter Seven-