You'll Learn to Love Me

Chapter 32: Laylana's Top Tier Insults

Laylana was so hyped up when Leo asked her for an extreme makeover. He summoned some breath mints and a pair of welding goggles from his tool belt. The goggles weren't exactly sunglasses, but they'd have to do. She insisted on rolling his sleeves up past his elbows, and used some oil to slick his hair back. Then, as his insistence, she draw a tattoo on his biceps with a marker: HOT STUFF, with a skull and crossbones. She added another one under the sleeve of his shirt on his shoulder with a heart and L + L in it. Leo blushed pretty hard at that one. 

"What in the world are you thinking?" Hazel sounded pretty flustered as Laylana gave Leo the marker and held out her arms for him to draw stuff on her. He began doodling PRESIDENT OF THE LEO FANCLUB on one arm, and LEO + LAYLANA on the other with a bunch of hearts on it. She threw her hair up into a high, messy ponytail and tied her jacket around her waist.

"I try not to think," Leo admitted. "It interferes with being nuts. Just concentrate on moving that Celestial bronze. Echo, carino, you ready?"

"Ready," Echo said.

"I got you." Laylana straightened and put her best "fangirl smile" on her face, ready to fawn over her boyfriend. Leo took a deep breath and offered an arm to Laylana, who took it gratefully. He strutted back toward the pond with such bullshit confidence, but Laylana had to admit she loved it.

"Leo is the coolest!" he shouted.

"Leo is the coolest!" Echo and Laylana shouted back.

"Yeah, baby, check me out!"

"Check me out!" Echo said.

"Check him out!" Laylana shimmied along, biting her lip for effect.

"Make way for the king!" Leo couldn't help but adore the attention his girlfriend was giving him.

"The king!" Echo shouted.

"Narcissus is weak!"

"Weak!"

The crowd of nymphs scattered in surprise. Laylana shooed them away as if they were bothering him. She acted like his personal bodyguard. She actually liked that title. "No autographs, girls. I know you want some Leo time, but I'm way too cool. You better just hang around that ugly dweeb Narcissus. He's lame!"

"So lame." Laylana rolled her eyes and nodded in agreement.

"Lame!" Echo said with enthusiasm.

The nymphs muttered angrily.

"What are you talking about?" one demanded.

"You're lame," said another.

"Oh honey, if you think he's lame, you're like, the lamest of them all." Laylana shot back, half joking/acting and half serious.

Leo adjusted his goggles and smiled, shooing Laylana's arm off of him. She took her place next to Echo and the two girls pretended to fawn over him together. He flexed his biceps, though he didn't have much to flex, and showed off his HOT STUFF tattoo. He had the nymphs' attention, if only because they were stunned; but Narcissus was still fixed on his own reflection.

"You know how ugly Narcissus is?" Leo asked the crowd. "He's so ugly, when he was born his mama thought he was a backward centaur—with a horse butt for a face."

"So ugly, he walked into a haunted house once, and he came out with a paycheck." Laylana called out. Some of the nymphs gasped. Narcissus frowned.

"You know why his bow has cobwebs?" Leo continued. "He uses it to hunt for dates, but he can't find one!"

"His only chance at getting laid would be to crawl up a chicken's butt and wait." Laylana laughed, Echo joining her. Leo had to bite his lip to stop himself from bursting into hysterics. One of the nymphs laughed. The others quickly elbowed her into silence.