Pretty Hurts - Jikook (A stepbrother story)

Chapter 21 - Hope

Jimin's POV

I sat at the table with the therapist with the crayon clutched tightly in my hand. I just wanted to go home. 

"Jimin, just try to draw a picture that expresses how you feel." She said again.

My eyes watered and I wiped them quickly so I didn't have to stay with her longer. Today was the last day and the clock couldn't count down quick enough. I stopped freaking out when they tried to move me to the therapy room because they kept giving me a shot that made me nauseous and sleepy. It made the room spin and then they still expected me to participate. 

I had to have supervision 24/7 and it was stressing me out. Two men in white coats stood near the door in case I did anything unpredictable or threatening to myself or others. I sighed and looked down at the paper. I scribbled the paper angrily filling the paper with aggressive black streaks until the whole paper was black and put my head down on the table. 

"Ok...well that's something. You feel anger? Are you angry you weren't successful in killing yourself? Why do you want to end your life Jimin? Are you still having thoughts of suicide?"

I shook my head and flipped the paper over and quickly scribbled words across it.

                                                                       I want to go home

"Alright. That's good. But we want to make sure you're in the right mental space to go home. We don't want you to try anything like this again. I know being a male Omega is hard but you are important to society."

I shook my head. What did she know? She was a regular Omega. Some alpha would want her, probably already had been claimed and would have pups with her. She didn't know the struggle of being considered trash and useless meat to society. Jungkook hadn't even mated with me yet and it was weeks after he bit me. I was useless and I was tired of being in his way.

She looked at me sympathetically and I sighed and put my head  back down. I didn't want her pity. I didn't want anyone's pity. I couldn't help but still think about checking out of this hell hole. Completely. But every time I did the pretty lady in white flashed before my eyes. I wiped my eyes as I thought of her words and wasn't sure how I was going to change my thinking. She said my thoughts and words were creating my reality. But I wasn't always like this. I had hope once, I thought I was loved once. Life showed me otherwise and that changed my course of thinking. What did she want from me? 

"Jimin, are you with me?"

I looked up at her making sure my eyes were dry before looking up. I looked at her confused and she repeated whatever she said.

"I want you to write a list of all the things that are worth living for. Then write a list of all the things you want in life, things that you want for your future. Think of things that would make you happy. And try to focus on those things alright. I promise it gets better Jimin." 

I nodded as she handed me a notebook and I opened it. On the first page were the words written at the top "Things worth living for" and "Things I want for the future" on another page. I sighed and was finally allowed to go back to my room. I looked at the clock again. I would be allowed to check out at 3:00 and wondered if my mom would come for me. Did she even care where I was? Did she know what happened? She would probably beat me for causing trouble. I hated I caused so much trouble in her life and felt my eyes water again.

I wiped them frustrated and looked at the notebook on my side table and grabbed the crayon. I hated writing with crayons but I wasn't allowed to have pens or pencils. I opened the notebook and started thinking of things that made me want to stay here. The list wasn't very long.