Making excuses

Last straw

You literally can't get a job right now you so street related I'm sick of this. I sit here everyday this is not me , I got lashes and more stuff I can be doing putting money in our pockets. Instead you rather me sit here with you everyday being miserable... I love you but I'm not Fina loose everything I been working on these last years putting myself together I'm at mom I have shit to do'.

Man ion wanna hear allet you just wanna go be a hoe in the streets , you tryna get fucked by these niggas? That's the only reason you be tryna leave Ian stupid!

Look Here , Some shit ain't worth my energy anymore, this is not me you rather me sit here everyday and not have anything.? I literally can go to any of my aunts rnow have you clothes I literally can go get weed and shit from my family without being questioned 24/8 n picked with. You ain't hearing me until I get to acting differently. Ian had my hair did or nun why cause I'm always under you. This IS NOT ME! You right I do look DIFFERENT CAUSE EVERYTHING CHANGED SINCE I BEEN WITH YOU. Really In My Idgaf Era . Once I'm thrown off I can't fake it .ion want no nigga that I gotta only be with him like I don't still have my family assum, Ain't no way you feel right having me sit here everyday instead of going out breathing being a woman. Once I'm all torn beat down& I let myself go you not gone like me nomore I'm not gone like me nomore.
IM TIRED OF BEING OKAY WITH THINGS THATS IM NOT OKAY WITH! That shit so unattractive.
Ignoring your red flags because I try to see the good in you gone cost me everything.
I'm here everyday omg I wanna breathe . Pnut I know this gone go through one ear and out the other but I just want you to really really really know YOU GONE HATE MY SILENCE WHEN I JUST GIVE UP YOU GONE REALIZE IT . Some doors wasn't meant to be open so once I'm done I'm done so you may wanna try to work some out if not I'm good atp I won't say nun else just loose interest more and more everyday.

Soon After I sent this too him , he came in the house went crazy ! (Messages between me n his mom)

Mama? He won't let me go everytime we get alone he start his shit
(Wow..he really pushing it! He bout to make me put him out)

Mama he said he don't gaf what you talm bout he been put out I need you I lost my mama in violence please GET YOUR SON!

The door slammed , you wanna cal my mama ? I'm holding the door as he constantly uses his strength to break it down ! BOOM my head with the wall big ass hole in mamas room. Once he seen that he looses it ,as I'm thinking the first thing he is gonna wanna grab is my phone . I heard him grabbing my things throwing everything outside ! Instantly he saids: WEA THAT PHONE AT GRABBING ME
Aggressive we start fighting , because get off of me you barehug me tryna take the life out.
His eyes just lost  so much anger , I'm just crying because I'm gonna die . He starts dragging me i kept fighting him off me then he just gives up , grab my pictures my lash products n dumps it all the ditch full of water .

Mama calls- tell him I'm Fina call the police he needs to go, I'll be home today and he definitely gotta go I just called the police, where he at??
Me-I told him and he grabbed his stuff n hit it out the door.
At the point I'm alone , crying picking my stuff up out of water and more feel down I work so hard for everything I have . You ripped up my sons pictures I just ordered those what did he do to you?? Anything to hurt me
I literally fought for my life the neighbors were concerned the first second he walked outside I locked all doors. He tried and tried to get it unfortunately he just walked away.
Finally I'm gone I'm at home I missed my bed!
8:30 on I'm doing my sisters lashes and my phone dings and of course it's him .
He stated-I'm mentally fcked up, That love was different jst like yours I always fuck shit up, I love you momo forever it was always us .please Moomoo just tell me you love me?

Well I love you but this is done .
It hurted me to say that cause I love him but I can't be miserable I can't be controlled n beat up all the time that's not love it took me a long time to realize that.