The Last Architects

Chapter Twenty-Five.

Waking up beside Cameron, I stared blankly through the window as the sun spread across my face. And I struggled to piece together just what emotion I was feeling.

I wasn't happy, nor was I sad... The weather outside may have contributed to such melancholy, but I couldn't be so sure. It felt familiar, like guilt, or regret.

And as I sat up in the sheets, I glanced down at the older man beside me. It was a bad thing. I couldn't keep ignoring it. If what I was doing was wrong, what he was doing was far worse. Yet it was all my fault...

I couldn't end it and go crying to Heidi, Jane or even Skyler, because I got myself here.

Slipping out of bed, I pulled on his shirt from the night before, as mine was in no practical condition to just wear around. And I turned back around when I heard Cameron's soft groan as he woke up. "Goodmorning, I told Skyler I'd be back in the morning, so I should get going." I felt sick.

He let out a sleepy laugh and I smiled back at him. "He's acting like a boyfriend." Where was that coming from? "Are you positive he doesn't fancy you?" I watched as he sat up, and made my way back to sit beside him.

"I thought I told you already? And even if he did, it doesn't matter. It's like all those girls having a crush on you...Right?" I leaned forward, kissing his cheek. I felt sick.

"I fully trust you, don't worry." He smiled warmly while I thought I could throw up any minute... "as for the girls, Ema, aren't I gay?" Cameron joked and I nodded my agreements as I stood, looking for my pants.

"Well- yeah, of course..." I pulled my hair back into a bun. "Do you mind if I borrow your shirt? You broke mine." I began to cover up each inch of skin that had a suggestive mark left behind.

"I don't mind in the slightest." He kept his eyes on me, even when I turned, which only made me more nervous.

I still liked him... I just wanted to get out of his house. "I'll see you in class, Professor. But I should get going." I pressed my lips against his jaw after getting dressed, a panic shaking my hands when all I could think about was Skyler.

"Be safe, and I cannot wait to see you again," he ran a hand gently up my cheek, and I turned to kiss his palm, "Ema."

I wanted to go home.

. . .

I needed to talk to Skyler. I couldn't keep doing this... Not to me or him. It was selfish to think I could just kiss him and act like nothing ever happened. But it's not like he didn't confess, either! He just had to tell me. And I just had to fall for it.

He didn't know what he wanted. How could he? He didn't like guys. He just liked the idea of it, I guess. Maybe that I looked like a girl, or that I seemed too distant... or maybe he didn't even want me to kiss him. I mean... it's not like he did it back...

Opening the door to our dorm, I was already tearing up from thinking about it for so long. But when I would usually just fall into bed or go take a shower, I was instead met with the insane duo, being my mom and Skyler.

"Ah, Ema, I was starting to wonder what time you'd get back. Your roommate here said he didn't know where you were, but I assume you and Heidi were together, yes?" Her accent hit my ears like nails on a chalkboard, and I quickly rubbed the tears from my eyes. No hello, how are you, I missed you.

She had the right to be paranoid about where I spent my time... But not so much the right to give a shit. "Uh, yeah. She's been tutoring me in mathematics since her grade is just a little above mine. I didn't think you'd come during the week- I'm sorry, I wouldn't have been out so late." I glanced at Skyler as apologetically as I could for leaving him with my mother of all people.

"Oh, it's fine. I was talking to Skyler about your school courses and other activities. As well," Ugh, I hated this, "how you should really learn something from this young man. See, darling, look at the way he sorts his papers, and how he doesn't have any of that junk on his walls. I told you to get sheets that matched the academy's colors, but you said no one did that." No hug, no questions, no endearments.

I was used to it, but I felt more sympathy towards Skyler, who stood with his eyes anywhere but either of us, and a tenseness I rarely ever saw. But when my mom had to go so far as to take a knee on my bed to take down all the paintings I had, I dragged my hands down my face, both Skyler and I watching, though he seemed more surprised as to why I wasn't stopping her. "Okay, let's go get coffee, I'll put all the junk away later... My roommate has to get ready for class and you're just distracting him." I wanted to cry.

"Pardon me." He took up a change of clothes, and I moved to the side as he walked to the bathroom, "Ma'am, Ema and I have a project in our first class," what... "would you mind waiting a little? I'd prefer him there so we can work on it. I'll get you anything you'd like to drink in exchange." He gave my mom a kind smile, and I stared as she dropped the frames onto my bed and stood straight.

"Very well. I'm not surprised, as I did decide to come during the week. But I hope to see you after school, my Darling." She nearly sounded nice, but with her expression and negative gaze, I knew it hardly was. "Tell Heidi I said hello, I miss her so much. One of these days I'm here, the three of us should all go have dinner." My mom walked to the door, but I didn't turn to bid her my goodbye.

"I'll tell her. Text me where you're staying and I'll come by when I can." I waited for the door to close behind me before I walked past Skyler and landed face first against his pillow, now that my bed was a mess of framed achievements. "Sorry."

"You're fine. I get unwanted parent visits." I tried to imagine how uptight his parents were to create that, "get your head together, I gave you the morning to do so." He walked to his desk and I turned on my side to face him.

"...I owe you for that..." I sighed, watching his hand at his side as if it were telling me to take it. "And I mostly meant sorry for her making you uncomfortable... That wasn't very cool."

"Just deja-vu, kinda wish my room wasn't so clean." He gave a slight smile, but when he took up his coat I moved my hand back against my chest. "But hey, you can tell her I'm tutoring you if you need an excuse to get out early." Skyler walked to the door and I groaned.

"She doesn't like the idea of me having any friends who are guys, so that doesn't work, unfortunately. But I really appreciate it..." I stared up at the ceiling. His sheets smelled like him. "Hey... Skyler? Do you think we can talk later..?" The last thing I wanted to do.

"Sure, what time?" He looked back at me but I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Uh... I don't know right now. Just if it works, I guess. Maybe just tonight? Or this evening? Whenever you can." I didn't even know what I had to say to him. But I knew it had to be something.

"Tonight, my brother has a friend in town who invited me out. Apparently I'd get along with his partner or something like that." He shrugged and I moved my arms firmly around my stomach, attempting a smile.

"Oh, yeah! Of course. You go do that! It's just about homework and shit, so don't worry. I hope you have a good dinner!" Deep breaths. I couldn't talk to Heidi... or Jane, or even Skyler... It was fine. I told myself so many times that I wasn't going to act like a kid. I needed to pull it together. "I'll see you at class..."

"Yeah..." He paused with his eyes on me, but when I lifted my head to look up, he opened the door, "I'll be sure to be here tonight." And just like that... He left.

I cried for the rest of the morning.