The Last Architects

Chapter Twenty-Nine.

I hadn't left my bed in a week.

Everything Skyler had said rang in my ears each time my eyes opened, and the impending thought that he was right was killing me.

Cameron didn't care about me. Not like he said he did. He probably didn't even think about me when we were apart, and if he did, just about the next time we'd sleep together.

I was ashamed, disgusted and scared. Still, no one knew what was transpiring between us, but if they did, I would surely die. Cameron never messaged me if it wasn't about hanging out, while Heidi blew up my phone every chance she got. And me ignoring everyone was just proving I was a horrible friend.

My mom's pressuring calls on how rapidly my grades were decreasing was the only reason I found myself walking to class. Skipping Camerons and going to Professor Whites. And as I took a step into the classroom, I was quick to avoid making eye contact with Skyler even once.

It had been the longest we'd gone without having a word shared between us, and it made me dizzy. I wanted to talk to him, to tell him that I liked him and that I wanted to make it work with him and no one else. I wanted to pull him out of the class and kiss him for the second time. A kiss in which he might just return...

But I'd dug my grave. I knew no rational person would ever want to deal with someone so emotionally burdened. Let alone, someone who didn't believe it could be possible to fall in love to begin with. But the smallest part of me, either insecurity of being alone or just hopefulness someone could prove me wrong... wanted him to love me.

"Sorry? I didn't hear what you said..." I looked up from my paper, frowning at the sight of the empty seats all around me and the Professor standing just a few steps away.

"Are you alright, Ema?" How much time had passed?

"Sorry- yes, Sir. I should be heading out, I didn't hear your dismissal." I quickly stood, stumbling at the sudden dizziness, but tried to walk through it.

"Sit, Ema. I'm concerned. You are one of my best students and you haven't been well. Take a moment, and let's talk about the time you've missed so I may catch you up. Alright? I don't want you failing any subject. And I won't want you running around while you are clearly not well." He sounded... like what I imagined a dad to... and as he took a seat beside me, I joined him.

"...I'm sorry, Professor. I just haven't felt so good. I'll do my best to not miss any more classes, I promise..." I couldn't face him... this was embarrassing enough, to look him in the eyes would surely have me in tears.

"... What's got you in the dumps anyways?" He flipped through the pages of his notebook, and I stared forward as I tried to think of what I could possibly say.

"I'm not sure I can be specific. It's just a lot of stuff right now. And I'm really sorry for missing your classes, I'll have it figured out soon, okay?" When my voice faltered, I wanted to get up and run out, but instead I sank forward against my desk. "I just have a bunch going on in my personal life..."

"Don't worry. I'll give you a pass. My son is in college, so I have extra sympathy. If you need anything don't hesitate to ask. I'll need some papers from you, but you can do them at your pace." Mr. Whites handed me a set of papers and I smiled to my fullest capability. This is how a teacher should treat their students.

"Thank you! I really appreciate it. I'll try and have them done within the week. And thank you for...being there. I just need some time, but I promise I'm figuring it all out." I finally met his eyes, even if mine stung from constantly crying throughout the week.

"Of course, Ema. Try and relax, figure your stuff out then focus on my assignments. And really, you need just someone to listen to your troubles, I'm here." He tapped the desk, "take your time here. I'll be at my desk." He gave an adult-ish smile, and as he got up, I couldn't stop comparing it to Cameron.

He wasn't asking me to sleep in his classroom, or covering me in his jackets, or even so much as touching me... "Yes, Sir. I'll think about your offer one of these days." I followed him down the steps before walking to the door. "I'll also look over all the paperwork soon." I waved a hand.

. . .

Laying in the grass, I kicked my legs back and forth as I went over each set of homework I was given. And while I let myself relax for the first time in a moment, I put on earphones and began to draw on the backs of each paper.

Sinatra practically blanketed each thought I had that could be negative, that was, until I found myself at the start of sketching out Skyler's face. His hair, a mess, and his glasses about to fall off, even the stupid moles he had on his face. I felt hopeless.

I should've just enjoyed the day. The sun was as far out as it could be in mid fall, it didn't look like rain, the campus's art majors all sat together not so far off, and even Jane and Heidi sat further down the hill going over their instruments together. It was peaceful. But for some reason, I was on the outside of it.

I wasn't with friends, enjoying the day, or indulging in my passions farther than using a pencil. I could see everyone enjoying themselves, and I was happy for them. But I didn't feel happy.

The sun was supposed to fix that. It always did. But when I tried to further appreciate the warmth through closed eyes, I felt a shadow move over me and a spike of cold ran up my back. Looking up to see no one else but Professor Rand standing above me, and I took out an earphone to see what he had to say as if I wasn't scared.

"Hello." Cameron gave me a warm smile, "I haven't seen you in class in a while, I was starting to grow worried." Oh, were you..?

"Sorry, yeah... I've been super overwhelmed with my mother visiting and having so many assignments as it is. I'm sorry I haven't been in touch." It's not like we were dating, I didn't need to make a big deal about it... and he didn't need to care.

"How unfortunate to hear, but you have been well?" He sat next to me and I wanted to move away.

"Yeah, I've been just fine. What about you? Did your friends leave to go back to Europe?" I flipped over the pages of my drawings as I sat up beside him. He was a teacher.

"Yes, unfortunately. Weren't for my brother, I'd be down in the dumps." He chuckled and I tried to suppress the guilt creeping up on me. "Is something the matter, Ema?"

"No... well..." This was not the place. "Maybe we could talk this weekend..? I've just had a lot on my mind." This was horrible.

"Of course. May I know the subject of the matter?"

"Can it wait..?" I took his hand. This needed to be over. "Telling you now will only be pointless."

"... Yes... It can. Though you are worrying me." Cameron frowned and my stomach dropped.

"No- I'm sorry... you have to believe that wasn't my intention. I just don't want to talk about it here at school... it just doesn't seem appropriate." I quickly shook my head, trying to overlook how horrible I felt for doing something that needed to be done.

"Then, I'll wait till the weekend." He tilted his head and I looked away, "unless you'd like to come over tonight?" What? I didn't even have a plan for how to do it.

"...I guess that could work... Only if you're sure." I glanced back at the papers, then down the hill as Skyler joined Heidi and Jane. I just wanted to go back to hanging out with them... "Yes. Tonight works."