𝐀 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐚𝐥𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

𝟐𝟏

Arya

     Rhysand has healed my hands after a few days. Amarantha kept him on a tight leash after our second task to make sure that my hands were permanently marked with burns. The Shadow Wraiths haven't been back since before our second task and I don't even care enough to ask or wonder why that is.

A permanent darkness has settled on Feyre, I can tell. It is almost like she's come to terms with the possibility that she may never leave this place alive. I've tried reassuring her, though I'm not sure how much that helped knowing that I was also trying to reassure myself. There was also some tension between us, I'm willing to bet it was from her finding out that Rhysand was my brother. I can't blame her, not after the stories Tamlin fed her and the stupid acts Rhysand got her doing.

I see where my brother was coming from, hell I can sense the mating bond where others can not. I didn't dare bring it up to Rhys, not when we're here, and not when he isn't ready to talk about it.

All this trauma we've endured and continue to be given for the three months we're in here, is something I believe might drive a wedge between Feyre and me. She's accepted me as fae but I'm not sure she would accept me as Rhysand's sister.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

I watch a spider crawl the wall across from me, stopping every once and a while to munch on something it came across. I blink and suddenly my surroundings changes.

An eight-year-old me was sobbing and jumping on the settee. "Kill it!" and I sob louder as Rhys comes closer to me with a spider on his palm. "Rhys please!"

He lets out a belly laugh, "It's just a spider, Arya."

"It's going to eat me!" I cry louder as he keeps coming closer. He then jerked his hand forward, as if throwing me the spider. I let out a wail as I jumped from the settee and instead of landing on my feet, I slipped and fell forward.

I let out a shriek as my chin hit our coffee table, my lower lip busted open and my top front tooth chipped. Several footsteps were heard from the hallway and Rhys was behind me trying to sooth me.

"Shh, I'm sorry Arya, I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm sorry please stop crying," he whispers with his little frightened voice.

"Rhysand!" the voice of our mother cracks through the hallway.

I blinked and I was back in my cell. I try to refocus my eyes on the spot where I had seen the spider last, only to see it was gone. I move my gaze down to my hand to see I was subconsciously picking at my skin, something I never used to do before I got it burned.

My mind thought of the person I'd tried so hard not to think about. What would Azriel say once he saw my hands? Would he be afraid of them? Would he be disgusted by them just as much as he was disgusted by his own hands? Or will he learn to love them as much as I love his?

Did he now have a lover? Was he able to find happiness with someone else since I've been taken?

I'd give anything up for Azriel's happiness, that much I know. If he is happy with someone else I'd sever the bond. I wouldn't dare come in between that.

With that thought, I imagined how the rest of my family has probably moved on and has created a life without a space for me. Will my return disrupt the life they've built? It's comical to think that there's a possibility of me having a spot in their current life. Not when they've lived five hundred years without me. Maybe it is better if I don't come back.

But I'm selfish. So selfish to want something that I know could affect many so greatly. I'm so selfish to want them, to force myself into their life and mould myself to fit wherever I can. I've been away from them and now I just want them. I want the picnics, I want the gruelling training, I want the flights under the stars above Velaris. My home.

I want my family. I want my home.

I just don't know if they want me.

A hum softly started playing in my head, and then it turned into a melody, and images of my home swirled around my eyes as the melody became a song. A song I know played at the Rainbow of Velaris.

The music rose louder, grander, and faster. I eyed the faes with smiles on their faces and joyous laughter as they strolled down the Sidra. I inhaled deeply catching a faint smell from our favourite restaurant in the city. And I give a watery chuckle at the group of friends that stumbles out of Rita's, remembering how Mor, Cass, and I would do the same thing.

I wrap my shaking hands around my throat as it all disappears in front of me. I made myself smaller as I allowed myself to silently sob. I bite my thumb, taking a shaky deep breath.

Two more days until our final trial. Two more days until the God of Death comes knocking.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•