a strong arm wraps around your middle, hoisting you up out of the water,
up
up
up you go, until you break the surface, gasping for breath, you get plopped down onto a wooden plank, you're throwing up salt water,
anything people are saying to you going in one ear and out another, you distantly make out the shape of one fishy blue man, along with the other two you got yourself lightly acquaintance with
they are talking, and there's shouting, you can't hear anything past the ringing in your ears, your clothes hang limply on your body.
you cling to the board you're floating on tightly. you realize that your name is being called by Chip.
"Hello?? stranger? random stray we found on the boat??"
you lift your head 'gods damn I could use a drink right now' you yearn for the warm embrace of alcohol
"What do you want." you turn your head staring into his soul, still heaving out water
shit shouldn't have said it like that only say what they want to hear, be nice, be polite, be respectful, treat them like one of your father's friends
"good you're still alive, would hate for you to die on us, now Gillion! what. the fuck. was that about!?!?"
"Whatever could you mean Chip?"
"What i fucking mean. is that you blew up my ship! The Big Chipper!"
"yes, that is a thing i did, i apologize"
"Well an apology isn't going to bring my fucking boat back!"
"If it makes you feel better it wasn't a very good boat you could just buy a better one" you say faintly, in between heaves
Jay buts in "and really it wasn't Gillion's fault, it- it was the lemur's really."
Chip just sighs aggravatedly, and starts looking around the ocean, no sight of land for as far as you can see
You vomit again, how fun...
"ok ok, ok okokok. Gill. you.. you can swim fast right? you're a fishy guy?"
"I canf swimm" you slur very unhelpfully,
"Yes we know bud" Jay says calmly, slapping your back as you chuck up your guts into the sea
"well yes! I can swim fast Chip!"
"Great, awesome. ok ok, can you like, just pick a direction and swim in it with us? like drag the wood along with you, I mean, eventually we'll hit land."
Gillion agrees enthusiastically, and off you go, the movement of your board on the sea just doing wonders for your stomach after just drowning
"So uhh.. Where are you from?" Chip says, addressing you, starting idle conversation.
"We literally just came from their island" Jay says, oh gods you can hear the face palm in her voice
"GILLION!" he starts to dive up and down with the board like a dolphin
you continue throwing your guts up all during the very long four hour swim to land, for once, Chip was right, you did hit land eventually.
you all flop onto land once you reach it, you're all pruny now from the water, gross and 'Oh my gods my hair i'm actually going to vomit my entire soul out right here right now"
You just said that out loud, shit
Chip starts laughing and chuckling and so does Jay, you stare at them blank faced, it's actually a really important concern for you to have, you had just gotten your hair done before you escaped.
"It's not funny you guys, my curls are gonna fall, do you even know how bad saltwater is for your hair? I'm shocked none of you have gone bald yet from it."
"You literally have a mullet stop yapping"
...
"I beg your pardon?"
Jay reaches into her pocket and pulls out a compact compass with a mirror in it
You flick out the mirror to see not you but instead you a four out of ten with glasses and a mullet and NO HORNS AND YOUR SKIN IS WRONG AND-
Oh...right.. the potion, forgot about that..
"you uh... you good there? looks like you're having a crisis." Jay says nonchalantly, as if you didn't just forget that you changed your entire body with a potion
You slowly get back into character, pulling your mask back on quickly.
"nah nah I'm good, it's just.. maybe you should get a peak of yourself you're not looking too hot either miss, I think I see a bald patch from the saltwater."
"..." Jay stares at you for a second, then yanks the mirror back from you, staring into it with thinly veiled worry
"Mangy little liar" she snaps the compass closed
"Let's get going princess," Chip stand up and kicks Jay softly then turns to you "you too ugly"
'... allright bud', that guy is probably even more mangy than you,
"yes! onward onto the land!" Gillion points his sword towards the only way to go, inland.
you get moving
-------FUCK IT THATS THE END OF THE CHAPTER BWAWAWAWA WE'LL JUST ROLL WITJ It——-
YOU ARE READING
What's So Wrong About What's Wrong With Me? (JRWI reader insert)
FanfictionJust Roll With It podcast fic, but make it a reader insert! im doing this with my bud @yum_grass over on Ao3, itll also be there under the same name!! if you haven't listened to JRWI Riptide, GO DO THAT!! its so so so good!! you can find it anywher...
