Model for Me| Sunsun

12

Long Chapter Ahead!!!

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Sunoo~

Just as I thought everything was going well, it got worse.

It already haunts me everyday, that I'm the reason my father is in this condition, and my sister is currently trying to start walking again because of me also, but now I have to deal with sitting in the same room with my family who I know despises everything about me.

Why am I even here? Well I needed to be, to discuss family matters, but I didn't speak, no one would listen anyway, so I just sat quietly the whole time.

My father's coma has gotten worse, and the family was thinking about pulling the plug, but luckily my mother disagreed on it.

As I had been walking out of the building, of course I got a bunch of dirty looks from the adults, noticing how they whispered to each other about me as if I didn't know they were speaking of me.

When I got home I was exhausted.

I sat in my room rubbing Lulu as I couldn't stop thinking about how my world was basically falling apart once again.

And, to make it even worse, news about me and Sunghoon have gotten out, and people are upset. His fans don't like me, and mines don't like his fans due to their disrespect towards me.

We haven't really addressed those situations yet due to the fact he's been more busy because of it. They speak of me as if I'm not a person with feelings, also bringing up what happened to my father as an excuse as to why I was so called "dangerous".

Even though it hurts to, I've been avoiding Sunghoon and his daughter, I felt like I became too happy and forgot about the reality I live in, I mess up everything, and now I'd end up messing this up too.

And knowing this hurts, because I actually felt like I was starting to fall in love with him and his adorable child, and I've never been in love at all.

So knowing that he makes me genuinely happy, and that he genuinely cares about me, also makes me sad because I know it won't last.

Too many horrible things are still spoken about me, I don't have a good relationship with my own family like he does, it's not a good vibe to have around him or his daughter.

And I'm too mentally unstable for something more.

I'm not even sure if I'll last at all once my father passes away, I don't want to believe he will, I want to believe he'll get better, but he's been this way for almost 4 years, and with how things are looking, he just might. And he's the only single thing keeping me here.

I know I'll just get worse once that happens, and then I'll be hurting Sunghoons feelings by giving us distance and ignoring him, so it's honestly better if I just end it now.

That way he won't grow too attached and be hurt by me later on. I'm not getting any better, so I just don't see how our relationship will ever work, although I of course don't want to, it's what's best for him.

He could do better than someone like me, someone who's falling apart and deteriorating on the inside. Working in a judging industry like I do makes it no better, I'm already criticized and get death threats just because I'm an openly gay man in the industry alone.