Model for Me| Sunsun

15

Sunoo

I hated this, seeing my father in a hospital bed, only remaining alive by a machine, unmoving, not even breathing on his own as the machine pumped air into his body and kept him breathing.

I sighed as I went and sat on the stool beside his bed, happy to see the nurses kept making sure the plant I gave them, which was my fathers favorite plant, hydrated and healthy, no brown on it's beautiful leaves or petals.

I then looked back towards my father, scooting up to the bed a bit more before grasping his hands with my own, they were cold, so cold my own skin gained goosebumps as I couldn't help but frown.

"I'm sorry, this happened to you because of me. I know you're probably tired of hearing me say that everyone I come see you.." I said with a sigh as I paid close attention to the tubes that was placed all in his nose and down in his mouth, seeing him like this was so heartbreaking, which is why I rarely came, I was always reminded of that same trauma and I hated reliving that.

I knew he couldn't respond, hell he probably didn't even really hear me, but it felt good to speak with him anyway, as if he's not on his deathbed barely clinging to the last bit of life he had left.

"Everyone else has already given up on you, but I can't. You've never given up on me although I'm sure it would've been easier for you if you did." I said as I set my head down on the bed.

I stayed silent for a bit, once again trying not to cry, if he was up, he'd scold me for doing so, always believing that it's completely ok to cry when your feeling down, but I hated showing that side of me to him.

"I dont know how much longer I can take you not being up, so please wake up," I said, one of the things I saw a lot, but I was more serious this time when I said it.

I was getting so tired of dealing with this stupid family on my own, they all hated me since the start but now it's just getting worse since my father isn't here to protect me, not that I really wanted to.

I never found myself worthy of being loved by him, and I'm sure that mindset has to do with the environment I grew up in.

My father was barely home so I was always stuck with my mother or other family members, who all seemed to really just hate me, although I've done nothing to anyone.

I got up, wiping my tears before leaning over and giving a kiss to my fathers cheek, "I'll come back to see you soon, I mean it this time too," I told him, fixing his hair a bit, I then started to slip my hand from his, turning away at the same time, but I froze quickly.

I turned and looked back at his hand, and I swore I felt him squeeze onto my hand as I was taking it away from his, but I thought maybe I was just being delusional, that was until I actually saw his hand squeeze onto mines again when I tried slipping it away again.

I stared in shock after I gasped, he hadn't moved in so long, I really couldn't tell if I was just dreaming, but as if he was trying to show me I wasn't, he wheezed again, a third time.

I immediately yelled for a doctor, but I didn't move, I didn't want to move, I felt like if I did I'd just realize I was hallucinating.

"What's wrong Sunoo?" Jason asked me, he was a very close friend to my father and the only one I trusted to take care of him.

"I swear he moved, three times," I told him as he looked down at my father with a raised brow, immediately going over to check something with his stethoscope after putting the plug parts that goes into his ear.

He placed the bottom of the flat part of various places of his body, "Are you sure? It could just be a spasm, those happen," he said but continued to search for whatever he was searching for.