The lost love

Sunbeams

I wake up to sunlight burning up my face. I had forgotten to close the blinds last night with everything that happened... Its early though i look at the clock.. wtf 7am jesus on a Sunday which is even worst! Still i get up and turn off the sound system which clearly staid open all night...

I change out of last night dress and makeup. I decide to go take a shower, a long one to forget all of it! Greta, Cars and even loosing Terry... i wanted to call her so bad last night and i imagine Cars wanted to as well.

As i get out of my room, i see Carson sleeping on the couch. She looks peaceful even though her head must be spinning right now. I leave her be and make way to the big closest to get out the box we had hidden from her parents. I get my pants out with my cropped flowy sleeves blouse. As i am about to go into the bathroom i hear my name.

- Patti is that you...?

Carson looks at the clock on the table and says

- Since when are you the early bird..?

- I forgot the blinds last night.. im sorry i woke you i am just going to take a shower. Go back to sleep..

As i step inside she says

- Patti wait.. can the shower wait?

I wanted her to go back to sleep so bad! I mean no the shower cant wait i need to clean it all off.
Instead i answer:

- Sure...

I leave my stuff in our tiny bathroom and make my way back to the living room. I sit on the chair in diagonal of the couch where Carson is. I can see she feels weird and uncomfortable knowing i usually flop beside her to talk...

- Its not what you think Patti.. Yesterday was a mistake.. i.. i.. i feel awful. I cant loose you too.. Terry was already to much for me..

She said that with a tear falling from her eye.

- Carson.. you are amazing and i love you so much but my heart belongs to.. someone else. I.. I cant be here with you if its gonna be a problem.

I know what i said was harsh and i had a hard time not crying when i said it but she has to know the truth..

She started crying and it was hard to stay there and do nothing to console her.

- Patti please.. i know i fucked up.. i.. i was scared of my parents sending me away and i just.. i dont know

She got up to sit on my lap. She gave me a hug and whispered : Please dont leave in the crook of my neck.

I kissed her cheek and said that is was okay. We would figure it all out together. She stayed in my arms for comfort and kept whispering thank you.

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