The lost love

My darling..

*Patti's Pov

*** trigger warning ‼️
Please understand that this is in a time where health issues like these were not treated with very much kindness

A woman came into the bathroom and was confused of what was happening..

- What? You never seen someone cry!

She rolled her eyes and left

Greta had finally started to breathe normally again and she said:

- Im sorry Patti! I come back here and you drop everything again for me and I have to go back and you dont even know what happened the first time and

I cut her off because I could see she was spiraling..

As i was stroking her hair , i said:

- Shh.. Greta i dont care! I..

I whispered in her ear

-I love you... I dont care about anything else!

She seemed shocked

- You never..

- I know but i have never been more sure in my life

A moment of silent covered the air as i kept stroking her hair to keep her calm.

- Are you ready to tell me about why..?

- I.. I dont know Patti..

- Did you.. before i came in..?

She started to sob a bit and nodded

- Darling why do you keep doing this to yourself?

Claudine entered as she was to answer

- Oh I will lock and put out of service..

- Thank you Claudine!

She closed the door and locked it.

I looked at Greta waiting for an answer.

- I cant help myself! I dont know why? It drives me crazy.

She started to cry a bit but was still comprehensible... at least to me

- Lesley doesnt know! She keeps thinking its just jetlag but i know its not, she cried out
It scares me Patti!

- Greta.. you know you're gorgeous right.

She hung her head down shyly. I pulled her chin up with my finger , whipped her tears and said:

- Darling you are the most gorgeous, brilliant and brave creature I have ever met! Now why do you hurt your beautiful self?

- I.. I was your age when it started..19

A tear rolled down her face and i gently brushed off as a sign of comfort and thrust.

- He.. My boyfriend use to.. he use to say i was ugly...fat..stupid but only when we were alone other than that he was perfect
The fact that a guy like him would even pay attention to me in the first place.. well.. it meant everything at that time.

She paused, i took her hand and said:

- its okay.. stop whenever

She nodded but still proceeded with her story.

- I desperately wanted to please him because he were to leave me if i wasnt what he wanted. So i started hiding in the bathroom after each meal... I started smoking to forget about eating.. he would keep saying i needed to loose and so i kept on loosing.. until one day my mom found me on the floor completely collapsed
I went to the hospital and he never came... my mom banned me from everything and when she saw it didnt work.. she .. she left me at the hospital
She didnt want the burden of an ill child

At that point she was numb. Not crying not screaming just plainly looking in space like she had been sucked into a black hole.

- Greta.., I whispered almost shivering after that story

- Today its been 11 years since she left me in that hospital

I took her in my arms and kissed the top of her head

- Greta.. I dont even have words
But darling its not to late to leave this pattern

- They think im crazy Patti!

- I can help you..

- Patti.. I cant ask you that

- yes you can.. didnt mean nothing yesterday?

- Patti the way you touched my body last night... you put me on a pedestal
You idolize women.. you adore them
It is felt threw your touch
But once i fell back I was already back measuring in my head
You cant support a constant pressure like mine
You have a life to live
You're 19! Im 30 and old! Live ! Dont waste it on me!

- But Greta I love you! You could never be a burden to me! I would die for you!

I shed a tear..

She wiped it away with her fingertip and said:

- Thank you! But that is the problem.. just today i was supposed to settle the past with you and instead I created a new link
Patti.. dear.. you are the most incredible young bright woman i have ever met. Its so easy to talk to you to feel safe but I will leave again! I have to go with Lesley and you have to live! Not worry about silly old me..

We both were misty

I hugged her never wanting to let go! Why did she have to leave again? Why couldnt she just thrust me to take care of her!

She detached for the hug and looked at her watch:

- Oh dear you have only 20 minutes left to your lunch!

- I dont care!

She touched my face gently, stroking it with the front and back of her hand like she was wanting to memorize every touch.

- I love you so much Patti and i know you dont understand this now but you will.. i promise

She kissed me like our last kiss in the summer of 1967. Thats when i knew she was unraveling everything to me like a secret lock box until her return. I felt hurt and used but yet happy of her thrust.

I cried and she put her nose via mine and said:

- Dont cry my love. I shall see you very soon..

She wiped my tears and gave me a box with a letter.

- Open it when you need a reminder  of my gratefulness and love

She kissed my cheek, got up and walked out as she did the first time..