𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭(lovertation fanfiction)

Little secrets

Everyone has dark little secrets, those who say they don't have them are lying

Warning:if you're sensitive skip this part

Lover's perspective:
I'm here in front of her,on my knees as I hold her hand as she's looking at me with her bambi eyes and with that desperate look.She keeps asking me to do something,sobbing. Usually I'm so rude to her,but the way I have to see her like this tears my soul into a thousand little pieces.
What should I say in this situation?To solve it,to get it for yourself,to risk getting pregnant,that I can't give you pills?No, of course I have to help her.Nobody did it to me two years ago,but that doesn't mean that other people can't be saved.Rep can be saved because of me.And if she'll be ok, I'll heal too.

*2 years ago:*
15.
15 is the year when you should technically still be living as a child but 15 is also the year when you learn how life works,either graciously or painfully,but you learn
That's when you get your period,that's when boys start to like you and that's when you see changes on your body.
During this time I lived with my mom and stepdad.My father left us when I was 3 or something like that.He didn't even try to contact me at all.Surprising?No.Does it hurt?No.
What hurts is how I saw my mom suffer every day,how desperate and lonely she was without any help,without the love of her life,without my dad.
And that's when Tom came into her life,thus  into my life as well
Tom was a nice guy,he treated my mother as she deserved,as she wanted,he helped with the housework,he tried to raise me but not too much,and he was like the perfect man from some stupid movie.
When they came up with the idea to move in with us I couldn't have said no,after so many terrible years,she finally was happy
By the way,I couldn't have said no because they had already decided.So we were a family again,a "happy house ".
It didn't really bother me,they were both working all day,and I was in my own world ,my innocent childish world.
Until they pulled me out of there.

2021.03.24:
A bit cold but sunny in the morning.I woke up alone in our huge luxury house.My mom had to go on a business trip.I didn't like it when she left me here for several days,but I knew that it was necessary for us to live well,so that she could buy everything for me
Tom worked until 8pm so I had a boring day,I went to school,came home and texted with Reppy.
The worst day of my life
Me and Rep had a very serious fight over something stupid.But that day I lost her,completely.I wanted to sneak out and never come back but I had nowhere to go,just this expensive house where I can hear my own breath because of the emptiness.
I just sat on the couch and cried softly but loud enough for Tom to notice
Please someone burn that couch.
He sat down next to me and asked what was wrong. I just said that I lost the one I love. I gave a short answer so that I wouldn't have to talk to him for a long time,I didn't feel like it
He made sure there were no words.
He put his hand on my shoulder and told me how awesome I was
At first I found comfort in the fact how nice he is to me
Then it became my worst nightmare.
Soft touches on my shoulders,on my waist,lower and lower....
I have no idea how we got to the point where he grabbed my ass because it happened so fast
But we were there,my mom's partner touching my ass and thighs
I tried to stop him,at least I tried
"If you dare to object I'll arrange for your mother to kick you out of the house.
Believe me little girl,I can do rough things with her too."
The next thing I remember he was pinning me against the couch and holding my wrist tight so I couldn't escape.He did it because he is a strong man who could do it only because I was weaker.
He tore off my shirt,it was my favourite shirt,I got it from Rep for my 14th birthday,it was special.
Kisses all over my body,the traces of his fingers remained on my skin for weeks.
Strong thrusts between my legs,of course they hurt, I was a virgin,I cried loudly
"-Be a good girl and shut the fuck up"
I heard his moans,they got louder and louder as he got closer to the edge
I just lay there,sobbed,and waited for it to be over.
When he finished I felt warmth flowing through my body
And then I realized
He didn't use a condom.

After that I locked myself in my room and didn't come out for weeks
Do you know how much damage it has done to my soul?Huge.
But what was even more humiliating and torturous was when my mom took me to the doctor
She found my pregnancy test

Being a woman is hard
At the age of 15,you stand in front of 3 male doctors and they talk about how irresponsible you are when you had unprotected sex.
They said it was my fault when they saw the fingerprints on my inner thigh,they just didn't care
I heard the baby's heartbeat,those tiny sound.
And there I broke down,I knew I wasn't ready for it,wasn't ready to carry a baby in my tummy for 9 months,that's when I told my mom the story ,who understood everything in an instant .

2021.04.29
Do you really wanna know where I was April 29th?
This date,the date of my abortion.

And people can still ask me why I'm gay,the only experience I have with men is when my father left me and when Tom raped me.

There was no question for a minute that I will get the pill for Rep.