NURA

Chapter 20

Nate

Mar. 2014, New York

Nate watched her from his spot a little down the road as the girl stood before the fresh grave, her shoulders slouched and tears mixed with rain droplets running down her face.

Every fiber of his being urged him to go to her, pull her into his arms, and give her anything she wanted, but Nate also knew he couldn't do that. He knew from personal experience that Nura needed to do this alone; she had to say the final goodbye to her friend without anyone being there.

He looked up into the overcast sky, the rain coming down harder with each passing second as if the weather was agreeing with Nura's turmoil and responding accordingly. Nate felt bad for standing there under the shelter of an umbrella when she was there in the open, her shirt clinging to her body from how soaked up it was, but Nate suspected that he wouldn't be welcomed if he tried to approach her so he stayed put and waited for her to be ready.

It was their first day back in New York, and as soon as they landed, Nura said she wanted to come here. It was also the first complete sentence that she had said to Nate in almost a month, and at that moment, Nate realized just how much he had missed her voice.

After that day, when Nura received the call from Ben and found out that John was missing, she became a mess. She was distraught, and the only way Nate had managed to persuade her not to go back home right away was when Ben agreed to call in case even the smallest thing happened. But when, a week later, Ben did call, it was only to tell them that they had found John's body.

Nura immediately broke down, and Nate was there for her. He held her until the girl fell asleep in his arms, too exhausted from crying to move to the bed.

The day after that, she'd announced that they were going back home for John's funeral, and at first, Nate had agreed, but then a frantic Ben had called and urged him to keep Nura hidden for just a few weeks longer, and he had no choice but to agree.

But when he informed Nura that they had to stay just a bit longer for her sake, the girl exploded.

"Fuck you, Nate! Who the fuck do you think you are, agreeing on something on my behalf!? Just because we fool around occasionally does not mean you get the right to make my decisions for me!" Nura screamed, her eyes wide and full of tears as she glared at him.

Her body shook as tears ran down her face, and Nate knew that he should keep his mouth shut before they both said something they would regret, but her words struck a chord deep inside him.

"Fool around! Is that what we are doing, Nura? Because I was under the impression that it was something more." Nate yelled back and stepped closer to her, their bodies so tightly wound up that it looked like they were just waiting for the other to snap and attack.

"What else?! I am a Moroccan rent girl, after all! That's what you should do with 'disgusting, lying, little whores' if I remember your words correctly."

Nate stepped back as if he had been slapped, his chest hurting from her harsh words. He knew that she hadn't meant them; he knew that Nura was just hurting and sad and lashing out, but it still hurt to hear her say that. It hurt to have one of the biggest regrets of his life thrown back into his face.

"You know that I didn't mean that. You know how much I regret ever saying those things." Nate whispered, his eyes falling to the ground. When the only answer was a complete silence broken only by the sounds of their harsh breathing, Nate closed his eyes.

"I don't know what to think if I am being honest, Nate," Nura said quietly after a few minutes, and Nate looked up to see her crying but not as angry as before. Her shoulders were hunched as if she wanted to retreat into herself. Nate wanted to go to her and pull her in as close as he could, but he decided to stand his ground.

"I see." he whispered, shaking his head, "Well, I am sorry, and I thought you knew that. There is nothing even remotely disgusting or bad about you. And just for the record, I would be here, by your side, even if you never let me touch you again because I am in. I am in this for the long haul, Nura. You just have to decide if you are, too."

After that, Nura nodded and left, and Nate hadn't seen her for a few days. She eventually came around and started coming out of her room and spending a lot of time with Jeremiah while Nate tried not to let it bother him that she wouldn't come to him.

He understood that she needed to grieve and process things on her own, and he just made sure to stay close so that Nura knew that Nate would be waiting for her on the other side.

~

"Do you want something to eat?" Nate asked her as soon as they stepped into her apartment.

"I can make you something or order in."

"No," she said quietly, and Nate sighed, turning around to find her still standing in the hallway and watching him.

"I can leave if you want."

"No." she breathed out and shook her head, finally stepping away from the entrance and entering the living room.

"Then what is it that you want, Nura?" Nate asked her, his patience already hanging by a tread. He felt exhausted and sad, but most of all, he needed Nura to tell him they would be alright.

The girl took a big breath and closed her eyes briefly before opening them and looking at Nate intensely.

"I have trouble trusting people, and I know that. I thought I was over what had happened to me back in Morocco, but clearly, I am not, and honestly, I don't know if I ever will be. My parents, the people that were supposed to love me and protect me, did the complete opposite, and it did something to me." She paused for a moment as Nate took the opportunity to assure her.

"But I promise you that I would never do something like that. I care too much for you," he said to which Nura nodded.

"I know, Nate, I know that you wouldn't. And that's why I am so afraid. Because I do, too. I... I care about you, and I am this close to... to falling in love with you, and it scares the shit out of me."

Nate's heart almost stopped at the words, his legs already taking him closer to her as Nura looked up with her beautiful eyes and smiled.

"But I am done with being afraid, and I am done with staying silent," she whispered as her arms wrapped around Nate's neck, and she pulled him closer until they were pretty much breathing the same air.

"I am in."