NURA

Chapter 2

Nate

January. 2012, New York

"Time of death: 07:30 pm."

Nate pulled the bloody scrubs off, as if they had offended him, and tossed them into the disposal bin, his jaw clenched tight as he tried to control his emotions, one steady breath at a time.

He had just started to calm down when he saw the surgical nurse pull a white sheet over Millie's head, and all his efforts were immediately washed down the drain. He quickly turned away since his eyes started burning with tears of anger and frustration. He desperately needed some air, so he almost ran out of the operating room and straight out of the building as if the hounds of hell were on his heels.

As soon as he was out in the open, the tears broke out, and Nate found himself sobbing like a baby and not the experienced surgeon he was.

He wasn't sure why his reaction was so violent. Millie was not the first to die on his table; she certainly wouldn't be the last.

Maybe it was the fact that she was only five, and being an ex-military trauma surgeon, Nate was more used to dealing with older patients, war-wounded veterans who knew exactly what they were signing themselves for, as the constant shadow of death hung over their heads like a silent promise.

But Millie was so young, innocent, with a whole life to live, and for it to be snatched away before she had the opportunity to live, squeezed something deep inside Nate, making it harder for him to breathe.

He took big gulps of air, trying to calm down since he still needed to go and inform her parents, and just the thought of it made his stomach roll as if trying to eat itself.

After years of working and dealing with death in the military and then his own hospital, Nate still couldn't help but hate that part of the job.

How do you go and explain to the parents of a five-year-old that they will never see their daughter again?

People in his profession usually say that you must detach yourself and look at it as a job and nothing more, but Nate was never able to do that, no matter how much he tried, something he now cursed himself for.

He allowed himself a couple of more minutes to just breathe in the harsh winter air and to think about the only good thing about this whole situation, the fact that he was going to go home to the love of his life after the dreaded talk was over and done with. And just the thought of Eli was enough to put a slight smile on his face as he felt the worst tension finally leave his body.

~

As soon as he entered the house, the smell of cooked food assaulted his senses, making him smile.

"Love?" he called out and heard Eli calling for him from the kitchen. He took off his coat and hat and hung them on the rack before making his way over there. He stopped at the doorway as the burden of his horrible day finally eased off his shoulders at the pretty picture in front of him.

Eli was checking the lasagna baking in the oven, apparently not satisfied as she put it back in, her little body covered with the 'Blonds do it better!' apron she had gotten as a birthday present from Nate's best friend, Megan. Nate smiled as he remembered Eli going tomato red from embarrassment when she opened the gift, but he knew the blond secretly loved it.

"Hi, love," Nate said as Eli looked up, her dirty blond curls bouncing around her head and a brilliant smile spreading over her face.

"Hi," she answered, walking up to him. He put one of his hands on Eli's dimpled cheek, the other tangling in her wild curls as he lowered his head to kiss her softly.

At the feeling of warm breath on his lips, Nate's blood warmed up, as it always did in her presence, so he deepened the kiss while slowly guiding Eli backward until her back collided with the table.

Nate's tongue invaded her mouth in a scorching kiss as he tore the apron off, his hands traveling all over Eli's body before lifting her up to sit on the table. Eli's hands wrapped around his neck as Nate pulled her closer so that he was standing between the blondes' parted legs, their bodies flush against each other and soon they were lost to the world, and not even the smell of burnt food was enough to bring them back anytime soon.

"I love you, Eli.", Nate said to his wife of two years when they were in their bed a couple of hours later, Eli's head on his chest and his nose full of the blonde's curls.

"I love you too, honey," she whispered back before their breathing slowed down and they were asleep.

~

Feb 2012, New York

Nate stared at the white, wooden coffin being lowered into the ground, his mind completely blank and his body frozen in time.

He knew that everyone expected him to say something, but he just sat there staring at Eli's smiling picture, praying that this was a horrible nightmare and that he would wake up soon with her damned curls in his mouth.

What do you even have to say when the love of your life is dead?

She can't hear you anymore, and the rest of them don't deserve to hear the words reserved only for her.

After the funeral, the house was full of people offering condolences and words of comfort, but Nate could only think about how much he wished they were the ones six feet under the ground and not Eli.

He knew that that was a horrible thing to think, and maybe he was going to go to hell for it, and he'd most definitely feel guilty about it later on, but at that moment, all Nate felt was anger.

At them for being alive, at the son of a bitch that killed her, at himself for not being there to protect her, and most of all at Eli for leaving him alone even though she had promised to always be by his side.

"Are you sure? I can stay, man, for as long as you need." Megan said as they stood at the front door, saying goodbye. The house was blissfully empty again, seeing as everyone had already left, and it was just Nate and her now.

"I am sure, Meg. I need to be alone now." Nate rasped out, his throat hurting a bit as he realized that that was probably the most he had spoken the whole day. Megan nodded slowly, her eyes shining and jaw clenched, but managing to keep it together.

Nate knew that this was hard for her, too, since Megan had loved Eli like a sister, but it still didn't change the fact that he didn't have the strength or the will to be there for anyone right then.

Meg eventually waved goodbye and left, and Nate closed the door slowly behind her.

He walked through the empty house aimlessly for a while, going into every room as if expecting that the next one would be the winner and that he would somehow find Eli in there, reading or grading like she used to do until he found himself back in the kitchen standing in the doorway.

His eyes wandered over the room, looking but not really seeing anything until they froze on the colorful piece of material lying by the stove. The 'Blonds do it better!' apron lay there, and he felt his eyes starting to sting as his legs carried him toward it.

He gently took it in his shaking hands, as if afraid it would rip apart at the contact and vanish just as Eli had, before pressing it to his nose and inhaling hard, letting the scent of cinnamon invade his senses as he fell to the ground.

This was the first time he cried since the shooting, Nate thought, as he sobbed into the piece of clothing still smelling of her until the exhaustion pulled him into a deep, restless sleep in the middle of the cold kitchen floor.