Dear Kumudhavalli,
I was a youthful bachelor, a fearless warrior, and a king.
I was feared, I was respected, I was aware of the awe my presence could bring.
With the loveliest dames, I had many a fling,
Until I met you, and it made my heart sing.
Dear Kumudhavalli,
I changed everything about myself, just to win your love.
My kingdom, my treasury, my life- I put you above.
I fed 1000 vaishnavas a day, only because you asked me to-
For all I ever wanted was to be good enough for you.
Dear Kumudhavalli,
My treasury was empty, but my heart was not,
Out of all my battles, you're the hardest one I've fought.
I was conflicted between my love and my morality,
But in the end I was a traitor to both, and for that, I'm sorry.
Dear Kumudhavalli,
I robbed the wealthy to feed the destitute,
To see your radiant smile, hoping you wouldn't notice that mine was slightly skewed,
I did everything you asked, and the guilt plagued me everyday,
But it kept you happy, it kept you close, so I supposed it would be okay.
Dear Kumudhavalli,
I loved you, and it ruined my life.
I suffered in silence, because I couldn't lose my wife.
I wallow in self-pity, hoping one day you would see,
That you turned a king to a pauper, a righteous man to a robber, and from that he would never be free.
Dear Kumudhavalli,
How could you not see that I was drowning
In a pool of my own tears as my soul was leaving?
You were light of my life- but that light had started to dim,
Until the Supreme Lord pulled me out and taught me to swim.
Dear Kumudhavalli,
My story truly starts when I tried to rob two newlyweds,
If they didn't comply, I'd have them dead.
But the bride must have cast a spell on the jewels- I didn't trust her delicate, wide-eyed persona.
I threatened her life to undo her magic, so she smiled and chanted "Namonarayana".
Dear Kumudhavalli,
I loved you, and it saved my soul.
I surrendered to the Lord, and I finally feel whole.
It is but your love that helped me achieve this greater goal,
And attain this ceaseless joy that Narayana has given me, as I ascend to my new role.
Until the lives that I enlighten finally redeem the lives that I stole.
-My interpretation of Thirumangai Alwar's first pasuram (vaadinen vaadi)
