Frayed Bonds - A BuckyBarnes Fanfic

CHAPTER VII

I hear the door open and close with a thud. Heavy footsteps make their way over to where I'm coiling up on the floor. "Rae" I hear his voice and I feel a brush of wind, mixed with his earthy scent and citrus as I take a deep breath between the hiccups, I feel numb. James doesn't say anything as I cry out again, in anger, sadness, everything in between. But as the first wave of numbness ends and I release myself out of the ball I made out of myself. Everything hurts. I look around and see that James sits next to me on the wooden floor, his legs folded, his hands in his lap. And he gazes at me. For a man so adept at killing, his eyes were remarkably soft. "Rae," He says my name quietly as a sob wrecks through my body. I am unable to look at him, as tears cloud my vision. I look away. "Rae, can you look at me, please" His voice is soft as he speaks to me.
"They are gone, all of them" Is the first thing I say, my voice hoarse from the tears. "Who is gone?"
"My parents, my brother, my sister" When I spit the words out, it feels unreal. This is not happening. This is all a bad dream.
They cannot be gone!
"I got a call from a police officer from Kingston. They died James! In a car accident" Tears roll down my cheeks and I wipe them away. But I break down again, sobs wrecking my body and my right side starts to hurt again, so much. I coil up again, folding my hands around my waist and pushing my knees to my chest. James doesn't say anything. He just sits next to me while I cry and cry. Until I can't cry anymore, it hurts, everything hurts and I am stiff. I try to stretch myself, but my right side is in full spasm-mode. "Rae," James states as he moves closer on his knees and starts to massage my spasmodic right hand. When it relaxes again, he helps me sit up. "Thank you," I wipe my runny nose with the back of my left hand. "You can go now," I say feeling ashamed of the state he sees me in. But James just looks at me, a sad grin on his face. "I your dreams Rae"
I stare at him and crawl to my couch, where I lift myself up and fall on the couch. Laying there, looking at the white ceiling. It's a bit dirty, with stains here and there. I hear him stand up, it goes smoothly and without any sound. As a master-assassin would. But I know he stands up and his footsteps bring him to the edge of my couch. He hovers over the backrest of the couch. Blue eyes pierce my own as I look at him. "Rae, I'm your friend. I care. I am not going to leave you like this!" I let out a shuddering breath. I feel my breath quicken and a new sob wreck through my tired body. But now James goes into action, he makes his way to my side of the couch and sits down. His warm arm and metal one fold around my waist as he lifts me up a bit and pulls me against his warm chest. He hushes soft words which I do not understand in my ears as I let it out all again.

It takes an hour before I am calm and James doesn't let me go out of his embrace. It lets me feel all sorts of things, butterflies but I am also numb from pain. It is weird.
"Rae, Rachel" James makes me look up at him. Suddenly it dawns on me; I have to arrange everything. Four coffins. Do we even have a family grave? Can I pay for all of this?
O God, please help me.
James notices my sudden panic and goes with his metal hand through my hair. "Rae, I take you to the compound. We have room there. But as I said before, I'm not going to leave you right now."
"But, I have to make arrangements. The coffins and the grave and-" I ramble, breathing hard again. "Rachel" He states sternly. "I will help you with all of that. But first you have to take some rest. Let me help you," I just nod. I am feeling so emotionally tired. I try to move and my cheeks heat up as I notice I am still sitting on James lap. But he ignores my embarrassment as he helps me on my feet. "Do you have a big bag or something?" He asks me as he looks around my apartment. "Why?" I sniffle. "For your clothes,"
Clothes?
"Rae, go fresh yourself up, I just pick some clothes from your closet and then we go to the compound" I do what I am told and when I look in the small mirror which hangs in my bathroom, I am dismayed. "I look horrible" I mutter as I turn the cold water tap open and splash it with my hands on my face. It feels nice and I take a small round cotton and wipe my runny mascara from my red, blotchy face.
What does he think of me? Maybe he thinks I am not fit to be an avenger.
My mind is going hundreds miles per hour as I am beating myself up mentally. "Rae," James knocks on the door. "You ready?" I sigh and turn the tap close and open the door. James has grabbed my red overnight bag. "I took the liberty to grab some underwear, two shirts, a pair of jeans and two sweaters and socks" He describes and I nod my heavy head as I feel a headache approaching in the back of my mind. I grab my spring coat and bag for work and I still have my shoes on. James has my keys already in his hand as he guides me out of my own apartment. He locks it and gives me my keys back. Without any words we take the elevator to the ground floor and walk outside. The cold evening wind caresses my puffy face. I see that he has parked his motor in front of my building. He places my bag in the seat and puts the seat down and sits down himself. I slowly, with stiff limbs climb behind him. My arms fold automatically around his hard waist. He starts the engine and we race out of my street, the buildings fly past me and everything is blurry as tears roll down my cheeks again.