Joost And me

My tears

JOOST:

"So, what are you actually like when you're drunk?" I said to Mara.

She touched her 6th Martini glass before she started talking:
"Hmm, a bit like me now, I'm giggly and a little too honest." She rested her head on her hand and looked intently at me.

"I haven't actually heard you say anything honestly." I looked at her questioningly and waited quietly for an answer.

"Ssshh" She put her finger to my lips and I felt my heart rate increase,
"Everything I want to say is on my mind at the moment, so don't talk too much because otherwise I'll look at those beautiful lips of yours and I'll get shy."

"Hahahaha" I looked at her and laughed at her.
She became considerably shy and placed her hand over her mouth, "Oh, sorry," she said.

"No, it doesn't matter, I also think about a lot, but I also restrain myself."

"Oh yeah? What are you thinking? Say it!!" She got excited and put her hands on my upper legs, just a little too far on my upper legs so that I would definitely feel her touch.
Her eyes twinkled with joy and I saw her nose wrinkle with laughter.

"The way you are sitting in front of me, I find you very attractive, and also cute." I took a quick sip of my beer and waited for her response.

"Cute? R-really?."

"So you respond to cute, but not attractive?"

"Yes, but I don't often hear cute, I like to hear this."

"I'm happy." I say to her.

"Why then Joost?" She pursed her lips a little.

"I'm glad you're giving me a chance to make up for last night too." I took the last sip of beer from my 8th glass.

"Why did you suddenly get so angry yesterday?" she suddenly asked in a sweet voice.

"I want to explain it, but then I'll sound even crazier and I'm afraid you already think so!" I put my finger on the word scared and she laughed.

"Everyone is a bit crazy, right? Did I say something wrong that caused you to react that way?"

"No, no, that's not it.." I just suffer from a bit of separation anxiety." I replied.

"I understand" She said to my surprise.

"What do you understand?"

"I caught you off guard a bit during your performance, I think you were worried about me too, which I understand very well." Maybe you also wanted to take care of someone and it felt like I was letting you down a little." She nodded hesitantly after saying this and picked up her glass to take another sip.

I looked at her strangely, because these were exactly my thoughts that I had in the morning today.
I think she saw my look and she started talking again:

"Yes, separation anxiety is also a bit of fear of commitment, you don't have to know someone at all to feel that." That's just based on what you've been through."

Completely overwhelmed, I say to her:
"How do you know this?"

"I have also experienced things myself Joost, and you know what? I am glad that I was able to experience that."

The woman who now sat before me was much wiser than I had thought. I thought she wouldn't understand me at all if I tried to explain it to her.
I am completely blown away by the words she just said, and to top it all off, she also adds something as if she can read my thoughts:

"You don't have to apologize or explain anything, I'll just say that I understand." She fiddled with her dress a bit and then came back to look at me.

My mouth was slightly open and suddenly I feel her hand on my chin, pushing my mouth shut.

"Your mouth is open Joost." She stood up and almost fell over, luckily I was able to pull her to me just in time otherwise she would have fallen.

She was shocked and looked at me when our eyes met, I had my arms around her hips and smelled her sweet perfume.

She put her hands on my shoulders while I was still sitting on the bar stool and she was standing in front of me.

"Joost, your lips provoke me." She is not quiet and shy at all anymore.

Her hands moved over my body, from my shoulders... to one hand on my neck and the other hand, she used to run her thumb over my birthmark just below my lips.

"What do you want?" I ask her in a deep voice.
Her thumb slid over my lips, I couldn't control myself and kissed her thumb.

She bit her lip and leaned forward, as she did so I felt the butterflies move through my body. Something I have rarely felt.

Her soft lips touched mine and she kissed me tenderly and neatly without leaving any trace.
I stood up and pushed her against me so I could feel her close to me and kiss her as she kissed me. So she could feel what I felt.

I had to control myself to stop her and myself.

She panted softly in my ear.
"What is it?" she moaned.

"Not yet, I want to take it easy with you and build up slowly," I say.