The Mute And The Reader [#YourStoryIndia][#Wattys2015]

Twenty

I'm pretty sure that I'm dead.

Yeah.

I'm dead.

And I'm surprised at how death feels. I mean I feel perfectly normal. Not how one should feel when he's dead. I do believe in souls and right now I don't feel like a soul. I feel like I have a body.

So why do I think that I'm dead?

I have an answer to that. And it's the perfect reasoning ever.

There's this calm I feel all over me. A calm I never felt before. There's a strange oddness to it of course but to be honest it really feels amazing. It's because of this calmness that I first guessed that I'm dead. Because if I would have been alive wouldn't my head be filled with all the nonsense everybody thought? From what I can tell, I'm lying down somewhere. I do want to have a look at the surroundings of this after-death place but I can't get my eyes off the cream coloured roof I'm staring at. Am I in hell or heaven? Or a place in between that? And this roof, what is this? The sky? I don't want to take my eyes off the roof, it's drawing my attention. I also sort of like the color. I keep staring at it for maybe ten seconds when suddenly I see a tiny black spot. I try to concentrate on it and then I realize that it's moving! I'm greatly puzzled. I'm slowly wondering if I think where I am is where I really am. The spot is still moving. I squint as hard as I can trying to understand what it is when it suddenly strikes.

It's a fly!

They have flies in heaven?

I'm absolutely confused, trying to understand the situation when I suddenly hear someone gasp.

I immediately lift my head to see a woman dressed as a nurse, looking at me with surprise and amusement. Before I can ask her what's happening she runs out of the...

...the ward!?

I'm in a hospital ward?

I immediately look around frantically and I see that I'm surrounded by hospital equipments. There are machines beeping around me, there is a needle that goes through my blood vessel, probably for glucose. And if all that evidence is not enough, who can miss the characteristic hospital smell?

What happened to me being dead?

What if this is how an after-death place looks like? Before they transfer you to hell or heaven. I really hope it's that.

I dig my head into the pillow, deep in thought when I hear someone entering the ward. I lift my head up again. He looks like a doctor. He is smiling at me but he looks extremely delighted on seeing me. He looks very familiar and in a moment I recognize him.

My neurologist!

There's no way in hell that I'm in heaven!

I'm freaking alive!

He approaches me and stares into the monitor beside me for a minute.

"How are you feeling, Anushka?"

I don't say anything. He's confused.

"Are you able to hear me?"

I nod.

"How do you feel?"

I'm hesitating. I don't know what to say.

"Different." I say after a few seconds and it indeed perfectly describes my situation.

"Do you have a headache?" He further asks.

"No," I say, "In fact I feel much better than before. I-"

I freeze.

Wait a sec.

No.

No.

Oh my god.

My eyes widen in shock. I'm not able to believe it. Heck, I'm not able to understand it.

What the hell!

This is not happening.

This. Is. Not. Happening.

Where are they?

Where are the voices?

I look at the doctor. He's looking at me in confusion. I keep looking at him, waiting. Waiting to hear him.

Nothing.

I hear absolutely nothing.

It's like I've gone deaf.

I focus on him this time. I concentrate on him, as much I can. But I still can't hear a thing.

"Anushka, are you all right?"

"What are you thinking?!" I suddenly say.

"Huh?" He's confused.

"Tell me what are you thinking!" I say in a louder voice.

"Anushka, you need to rest. I don't understand what are you trying to say."

I'm going crazy.

"Just tell me what are you thinking! Please!" I'm literally shouting now.

He ignores my plea and calls for the nurse. Apparently, I'm out of control. The nurse comes in a minute with a syringe in her hands. And I'm already terrified.

"What the hell are you doing? Just tell me what are you thinking. What is all this?"

He takes the syringe from her and she holds my right arm tightly. I feel a sharp pain on my arm but I'm still struggling. Nevertheless, the nurse is stronger than me.

"Please tell me what..."

Before I know it, the chemical kicks in and after a bit of daze, I'm sleeping soundly.