The Mute And The Reader [#YourStoryIndia][#Wattys2015]

Twenty-One

I wake up to the sound of faint whispers. Or maybe the effect of the drug is wearing off. I feel dizzier than before but there's no headache as such. I deliberately keep my eyes closed and try to listen to the whispers. They are talking about me.

"...she was not acting normal..."

"...how is she..."

"...she was constantly asking me to tell her what I was thinking..."

"...will she become conscious..."

"...I think she'll be fine but you should meet her..."

Very slowly, I open my eyes. I can make out three figures standing in front of me. I instantly recognize them.

"Amma? Appa?" I manage to whisper.

All the three heads turn to look at me in surprise. I can see my father running towards me.

"Anushka!" He exclaims in relief.

I try to smile.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

I'm quiet. How do I tell him what I'm feeling? My eyes become moist and my lips begin to quiver.

"They're gone, Appa!"

He's clearly confused. He looks at my mother who has no clue whatsoever.

"The voices," I say, in a shaky voice, "They're all gone!"

That's when he understands what I'm talking about. His eyes widen with surprise. His mouth opens in shock. And then in seconds I see how sorry he looks. His hand reaches up my head and he begins caressing it, trying to comfort me. I'm half-crying by now, not able to understand the reason behind it. Isn't this what I wanted? Isn't this what I had been fighting for all my life? Then why am I sad? Why am I not jumping around in happiness? Why am I crying?

My mother holds my hand and squeezes, in order to comfort me. But nothing is right. I am disappointed and sad. I can't even understand how all of it happened. And and top of it I am not even elated. I have finally got what I wanted but I am I happy? Am I satisfied? While thinking about all this I suddenly think of Aryan and I can't help but cry in disappointment. Who will be there to hear him again? Now that I finally got what I wanted, who will listen to his thoughts? To the words he cannot speak? To those emotions he cannot convey? I was his only hope and when he gave me some hope the last time we met, I did this to him?

It was everyone's happiness around me that was keeping me happy. I was happy. I had all the right to be. But I took that right from not only myself but others too. I have disappointed everybody around me. Maybe that's the only thing that I had to know. It was never about me. It was about everyone, everyone who cares about me, everyone who loves me. Had I not been so selfish, had I not realized that I was hurting others in the process, maybe I would have been with Aryan now and I would have been happier.

But it's too late now. Aryan will be coming to see me anytime now and all I will be able to hear, will be his silence. I don't even want to imagine the magnitude with which this fact will crush him. I can't even face him. What will I tell him? That I did this to myself, now you can go ahead and find someone else? Because I'm not worth your love? I am in no way worthy of his love. He wouldn't even want to look at my face when I break it to him.

"You want to meet him?"

I look at Appa in a daze, who breaks my chain of thoughts. He is looking at me with a cautious expression. He knows what I am thinking.

"He has a right to know." He says.

I sniff.

"He has a right to know." I agree.

Appa smiles.

"He's been visiting regularly for the past ten days."

I'm a bit surprised to know that I was unconscious for ten whole days.

"He...he's here right now?" I ask nervously.

"He's waiting outside."

I gulp. I thought this could wait a bit. Appa sees my face.

"You can meet him later." He says.

I look ahead, thinking of what I should do. I'm scared and nervous. After a moment of thought I finally decide.

"While sending him in, don't tell him anything. I will do it myself."