WataMote fanfiction: SOLO

Since I'm Not Popular, I'll Get a Boob Job

Why do they put things like this on TV?

Sometimes watching daytime talk shows was like watching a freak show. The producers must really be after ratings. More importantly, this must be the kind of thing people watch when they don't have to go to school, and have nothing better to do than laze around the house mindlessly watching mindless television.

Tomoko Kuroki, who had faked another illness in order to skip school and mindlessly sit around the house, stared in horror as a woman with breasts the size of delivery trucks stuck out her chest on a talk show. But the audience applauded, and the host of the show leered over her with a dirty grin. Asshole! Tomoko snarled inwardly, and I bet he's married, too! Meanwhile, the female cohost giggled and asked if they're real. "Of course they are!" the woman insisted, laughing as if anybody believed her.

That's right, Tomoko sneered. They aren't real. Anybody could have boobs like that. All you have to do is buy a sick doctor with a warehouse full of silicon. My brother could have boobs like that.

Heh.

The mental image of her so-cool little brother, with that pissed-off look on his face, trying to run across the soccer field with sloshing globes of fat surging up and down in his shirt sent an extra curl of wickedness to the corner of her smile.

Still, she thought to herself, looking down.

In her bedroom, she hammered the keyboard relentlessly, searching for answers on the internet. She confirmed her initial suspicion that there was no way she could pay for a boob job, even if she lied about her age. The cheapest operation at the Shinagawa Natural Beauty Clinic — "natural beauty", feh! — would cost hundreds of thousands of yen, if not over a million, and she could just imagine what the cheapest boobs might look like. She imagined herself with a couple of malformed pyramids jutting out of her torso. It's where they buried the Pharaohs!

Or worse — "This morning on Happy Morning TV, we're interviewing Miss Tomoko Kuroki, owner of the oddest set of breasts in the world." Miss Tomoko was happy to explain her bizarre situation. "The doctor just got carried away and gave me three! At that point, I figured I might as well spring for an even dozen."

Cowbell.

There were also notes about how difficult the recovery period is, after surgery. One woman said that after a month, she still couldn't run, lift weights, or do any kind of exercise.

"Tsk," Tomoko said. I don't do any of those things, anyway.

"Go big," one woman advised, because the implants (she claimed) wind up looking smaller than you would expect. You get what you pay for, Tomoko sighed. Another woman warned against getting them too big, because they'll wind up bigger than you would expect. I've got to be careful, she worried. I'm still the shortest girl in my class. Anything will look pretty big on me.

Tomoko scrolled down the chart and found the premium boobs: Mermaid implants — why, are they full of fish oil? — supplemented by fat stem cell injections.

Fat stem cell injections! Needles and knives! Tomoko shivered. There was something unnerving about all this. In her mind's eye, she could see herself strapped down to a table while some creepy man in a surgical gown and a mask crept up on her with a knife, ready to carve her up like a trussed goose. As he moved in closer for the kill, his eyes glowed bright red, and her hair shot up in terror and streaked white. She looked like the fucking bride of Frankenstein.

No fucking way in hell!

She shut down all the browser tabs at once in order to purge the insanity, and held herself until the panic attack passed.