il mio primo e ultimo amore

between nightmare worries and makgeolli sessions

They fall into their usual routine again.

Like nothing ever happened.

Okay, things happened.

The postponed party was held and surely everything went well.

But, these aren't the events Vincenzo is concerned about.

According to Vincenzo, Cha Young is still the same as she was.

And Vincenzo has spent a very long time contemplating whether he should be relieved or not.

His brain says him-tells him that Hong Cha Young is the woman who always has proved him wrong in every single way.

His heart though, is extremely anxious.

Vincenzo Cassano first committed murder when he was 17.

And it wasn't anything like Hong Cha Young's first kill.

It was committed him being in sound mind and good health.

It was an order from Fabio.

To kill a man, he vaguely remembers who was being adamant in creating his presence a nuisance in the Cassano's business affairs.

He remembers Luca and him acting as the man's bodyguards, because no one knew for long that Fabio has adopted a son, it was a thing to be taken advantage and a cover to sell and make good use of, according to Fabio.

And then, Vincenzo still vividly remembers, his sensual memory playing tricks on him, him pulling the trigger at the back of the man's head, blood splatting all over his face and collar.

He was in his last year of high school, yet Fabio told him he was ready for what is to come after his actions.

And Vincenzo has always trusted Fabio for his words, a trust that developed years after betrayal and misery.

Taking in his adoptive father's words, he did as ordered.

Only to be Fabio's word proven wrong, for the first time in his entirety.

A few weeks after Vincenzo's first kill, he was informed that his biological mother, who he has been keeping tabs on since he's been part of the Familia,

whom he knows was battling with cancer, is no more in this world.

If a 17-year-old him had been trying to not think about his vicious actions by drowning himself in school, catering the business, and martial arts-

this news certainly made all of it come to an end.

He still remembers how he felt like he was being swallowed by darkness in whole, he still feels how he managed to get rid of Park Joo Hyeong so hard to become Vincenzo Cassano and he still knows how hard it was to once again feel like Park Joo Hyeong.

And because he is human after all, he doesn't want her to feel and face any of this.

This is the reality that cripples at the back of his mind since marriage.

He knows she is well, but he knows as well.

So, he does his best to make sure he's there for her just in case.

He alters his routine slightly, like waking up the whole night and staying close to her bedroom in case she has a nightmare.

He chooses to sometimes work the whole night or work out-just somehow to calm his heart that she is actually fine.

Slightly opening the door or sometimes using his skills to get in the room with pin drop silence and spending hours on the sofa-reading documents or sometimes, he doesn't dare to admit-