I want to explain myself, but I don't know how to, and I'm scared of complicating things more, so I shut off. It’s frustrating because I have so much I want to say, so much I want to explain, but the words just don’t come out right. Every time I try, it feels like I’m only making things worse, so I hold back.
There’s a fear inside me, a fear that if I try to express what I’m feeling, it will lead to misunderstandings or conflict. I don’t want to hurt the people I care about or make them think less of me. So, I stay silent, even though it’s eating me up inside.
Shutting off feels safer, but it’s also isolating. It creates a barrier between me and those I love, and I know they can sense it. They see the distance, the withdrawal, and it hurts them too. I don’t want to be this way, but the fear of making things worse keeps me trapped in my own head.
I wish I could find the right words, or at least the courage to try. Maybe if I take small steps, if I start with just a little honesty, it won’t seem so daunting. I need to trust that the people who care about me will understand, that they will listen and not judge.
It’s a process, and I know it won’t be easy. But I have to start somewhere. I have to believe that opening up, even a little, can lead to better understanding and closeness, rather than more complications. I owe it to myself and to those I care about to try.
