one last summer (n.h)

[7] - go to her!!!

I woke up in a dazed state. Was last night real? Did Niall and I actually make out? No... it couldn't be... I wouldn't do that to Lexi.
     
As I stood I felt sand in between my toes and in my hair. It was real. I was a horrible friend. I showered to get all the sand off of me, my thoughts were running a hundred miles a minute.
    
Do I tell Lexi? Will she hate me? What if we aren't friends anymore? When will I see her again? What happens if we fight? I felt like throwing up again when I looked in the mirror.
    
"Hey," Niall smiled softly at the sink next to me.
     
"Oh, hi," I replied avoiding eye contact the best I could.
     
Maybe if I acted like last night didn't happen he'd forget about it. Nothing would be real. I wouldn't be a bad friend. Lexi would get the guy.
    
"It took me like ten minutes to wash all the sand out of my hair," he chucked softly as he splashed water on his face. I don't think he was forgetting last night any time soon.
     
"Yeah," I replied with a forced smile.
     
"Are you alright?" He asked putting a hand on my back. I tensed causing him to pull away from me.
     
"Yeah, I just think I didn't get enough sleep last night. I'm sure I'll feel better after breakfast," I replied finally making eye contact.
     
"Good," he replied kissing my temple. Shivers ran down my spine as I stepped away from him.
     
"I'm going to go for a walk before breakfast. Maybe some sun will help."
     
"Okay, see you there," he replied waving.
 

00000

"Hey, Lex, I have something to tell you before all the campers get here," I said.
     
"What?" She asked leaning onto me.
     
Her proximity to me almost made me flinch. I knew what I was about to tell her would break her inside, but there was nothing I could do. The damage had been done.
      
"Niall and I kissed last night," I whispered squeezing my eyes shut. It I could close my eyes for long enough, maybe I would simply disappear.
      
"You did what?" She asked standing up from the bench.
      
"Well, Niall actually kissed me. I kissed him back, but he... it doesn't matter. We kissed."
     
"Why? When? How? Where were you guys last night?"
     
"Niall has had a thing for me since the beginning. Liam told me. He said basically everyone knew. Niall texted me last night and told me to come to the beach because he needed to talk. I agreed and met him there. We talked for a while and then we talked about our feelings and then we kissed."
      
"I'm sorry our feelings?" She asked.
     
"Yeah," I replied. We were both quiet. I didn't know what exactly to say to her.
      
"You know... his feelings for me and my feelings for him."
      
"You have feelings for him? When weee you going to tell me?" She asked, "or is that knowledge only reserved for your best friend Liam now?"
      
"No, it's not like that," I told her standing with her, "I didn't like him until... I did. It's all really new."
      
"So this whole time I was asking you to put in a good word... what was actually happening? Were you going off and making fun of me with your boyfriend?" She asked.
      
"No, I was doing what I said!" I exclaimed, "I swear to you I was putting in a good word. I was telling him all of your best qualities and every good thing about you. He just... never reciprocated the feelings."
      
"So everything that happened between me and him was fake?" She asked, "this past month of my life was one big practical joke?"
     
"No, it's not like that at all. He did want you, but when he found out that I had feelings for him too he said he couldn't help it," I began, "I mean... isn't this what you wanted?" I asked.
     
"You have got to be joking, Savannah!" She yelled.

At this point she was crying. Lexi hated tears, she said they were stupid, but here she was crying in front of me. My entire body ached wanted to cry too, knowing I couldn't.

"This is not what I wanted. Not after I fell for him! Are you serious?" She yelled. I'm sure the whole camp could hear us, but she didn't care.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I didn't want to. He's just... him."

"I know he is, Savannah. And I thought he was mine, but I guess this whole time there was another layer to our relationship that I didn't know about. One where he actually never wanted me and was just waiting around for you to want him."

"Lexi, it's not like that I swear," I told her taking her hand. She pulled it away from me. I broke. Tears finally started to stream down my face.

"How do you fucking know that?" She shot.