Shining star- an Oshi No Ko rewrite

Yozora pov: Chapter 17

(timeskip: 1 week)
I honestly dont know what to think at this point. I am now dating my best friend and assistant, yet im an idol. I dont know how to love and i never have before. Do i even love her? Why did i say yes? But there's no turning back now. I try to avoid saying it. Those three words. " I love you" Because every time i say it, i am well aware in my mind that its a lie. A lie. A pathological lie. I cant bring myself to tell her those words. Faye means so damn much to me and if i say them, taht i love her, those words, and realise it was a lie. The thought of it scares me. Never have i ever thought i would truly love someone. Of course, i became an idol because i wanted to love and feel loved. I thought that if i became an idol, i could love the fans. I thought that if i had a girlfriend, i could love her. But i don't know if i truly do, or its just my idol instinct kicking in and telling me that i do. Im relaying all this in my head during the car ride to our hotel. We are currently in LA(Los Angeles) and it is currently 6 pm. I have no idea, but Faye seems quite down.
"ファイェさん、大丈夫ですか？" I ask her. She know what im saying.
"yeah." she replies carefully.
"No. Something is wrong and i can tell. What is it." I insist
"Nothing, it's just that this is where i used to live, and i never thought i would ever come back here." Faye says tentatively.
I always wondered where she came from and why she was so secretive about her backstory. Maybe its time i ask.
"Care to tell me why you're upset about it?"
I ask
"no."
"come on" i press, knowing there is definitely something she has to get off her chest.
"Fine," She sighs and continues "my father was in the military and my mother was a nurse. They made a lot of memories here with me when i was young, until my father died in the war and my mom of plague about 5 years ago and I went to Tokyo. (Faye is 23 years old) Brings back sad thoughts, ya know?"
"oh."
I see her sad face and although it pains me, i can't understand her pain. I never loved my parents, or, rather, parent. My mother died at childbirth and my father hated me for it. He constantly yelled at me and was always drunk. I never got a name. I was just....brat. Never in my life had i ever experienced pure love at all. Not even in the orphanage after my dad died of heart disease. I was always bullied of my strange hair color, small size and weird eyes. It wasnt until i was 16 until i left the orphanage and got a freelance job. I was scouted when i was 20, a year ago.
I look at Faye with a pitying look, and hugged her. I never knew this about her, and i find her talented to be able to keep a straight face while she said that. I only wish i could tell her that she had someone that loved her, me, without regretting it later.