rag doll | TWD

[71] dead or alive or

(i just) died in your arms --- cutting crew

♮♮♮
[JJ]

Everything hurt. Blinking hurt. Breathing hurt. Thinking hurt. 

I didn't think this much pain was possible. 

The warm sunlight had begun to pour into the dining room where I remained unable to move. I wondered if the others had gotten out- Rick, Judith, Daryl, Michonne. Then, I thought about Carl. I hoped that Rick had made it back in time to say goodbye. 

That's what this was all for. 

The agonizing pain- it was worth it. 

It was worth it to Rick. 

It was worth it to Carl. 

Every sharp breath I took in, I feared it would be my last. That's all I felt that I could do...breathe. But it even hurt to do that. 

Last night. There wasn't anything that I could've done differently. I stood up. Rick missed the shot. And Negan escaped... only after he thought I was dead. The shot had only grazed my thigh- I didn't think it would leave anything but a scare, but the loss of blood- that was another story. 

I didn't have enough energy to move my eyes it felt like. They were dry from staying open so long- crying for hours after Negan had left. Maybe he was dead. Maybe Rick had found him and killed him. 

Maybe it was over.

I heard movement outside. The front porch creaked. It had to be a walker. 

I just prayed that the front door was shut.

♮♮♮
[POV]

 "We should go." Michonne quietly told Rick. 

He shook his head, "There's something I need to do."

"Can't it wait?"

"I lied to Carl." Rick admitted, "When he asked about JJ... I told him- I told him she was okay. But- she... I didn't see-" He took a breath, finding the words to tell Michonne what had happened, "She attacked Negan, distracting him so I could get away. I thought I-..."

"I thought I had a clear shot of him." Rick angrily whispered, "She did that so I could make it back to Carl. She risked her life so I could get the chance to tell Carl goodbye."

Michonne nodded, showing her understanding. "Come on, we'll find her, put her next to Carl."

Rick and Michonne walked up the porch. Michonne noticed Rick's hesitancy to open the door, not ready to be met by the walker who had been his sister. He'd just buried his son; he couldn't handle putting down his sister.

Michonne lowered Rick's hand off of the doorknob for him, "You shouldn't have to."

"She's my sister." Rick told Michonne, but mostly himself. He couldn't believe that he hadn't seen her- that he'd missed Negan and shot his only sister.  

"It's okay." Michonne nodded, opening the door. The two quickly scanned the bottom level of the house, not being met by any walkers. "Are you sure she would still be here?" 

Rick shook his head, "The door was closed. She would've gotten caught in the broken window. She's here."

The two ventured farther into the house- Rick went to the kitchen as Michonne veered off the dining room. Once she spotted JJ, she fell to her side. 

Before saying anything, Michonne pressed two fingers against the side of JJ's neck, lightly gasping in shock. 

"Rick." She called louder, "Rick."