wonder | ATEEZ Wooyoung

20 (epilogue)

I always wondered what I'd do if I saw Wooyoung again. Would I curse him out? Would I get on my knees and pray to the sky in hopes he'd finally choose me?

I wish I did something. Anything.

But sadly, this isn't an exciting or optimistic update either.

Truthfully even when I said it was the end, I always knew in the back of my mind that I'd see him again. We had the same graduation ceremony after all.

I marked the date on my calendar, not as a celebration for my degree, but as the day I'd get to see him. It was the only for sure sighting I knew I'd have.

So I had to make sure graduation was perfect. That I was perfect. Maybe then I can finally make him regret what happened. Or maybe I'd just forgive him on the spot and jump into his arms at the first opportunity.

I didn't know I liked him that much honestly. It was easy for me to form crushes. So why couldn't I get over Wooyoung? He wasn't that special. Right?

I tried convincing myself he wasn't anything. That I was so much better. In hindsight I was.

I was pretty, smart, and was used to always getting what I wanted.

But the worst attribute I had was being pathetic.

If I was a boy, maybe it could be considered yearning. But I was just a fool.

What I would give to be half as indifferent as him. Even just hearing his name caused a little part of me to die inside. What was I going to do when I actually saw him in person?

The morning of my graduation was a disaster. I was running on an hour sleep with poorly waxed eyebrows and hair extensions that didn't blend in with my extremely short hair. Not to mention my contacts falling into the sink and my makeup turning out horribly because I was rushing.

Everything was going wrong. The lashes I wore were too big. The straps of my shoes broke off.

I forgot my lipstick.

I couldn't help but sob and my family watched in horror. Sure, I was a girl obsessed with vanity. But I don't think they knew why today was so important to me. It wasn't just a graduation. It was a chance to relive the best years of my life. I had to make it count.

I had to be beautiful.

So I cried and cried. Even in front of strangers. I felt like I was at a new low. At one point I had just stopped to beg to the sky to let this all be worth it. That the blisters in my feet, the headache I was forming because of the heavy extensions, and the overall nausea I experienced from it all were just minor inconveniences to a bigger picture.

And for a second, the sleep deprivation, starvation, and tantrum I was throwing all stopped as I watched Wooyoung walk in.

I knew he'd be there and yet I was shocked. My eyes followed him as he made his way over to Jongho.

Jongho and I were decently close. We confided in each other a bit when we had another class together. He told me about his girl problems as I complained about Wooyoung. Wooyoung was always a hot topic in my conversations.

But when I wasn't venting about Wooyoung, I learned all about Jongho's personal
life. I even knew about Nabi and Jongho's dynamic and how she was in love with him but he was in love with someone else. I must sound like a hypocrite for thinking Nabi was a delusional girl crushing on him since he was clearly uninterested. She was just another version of me. Except Jongho would never treat her as badly as Wooyoung treated me.

So seeing Wooyoung and Jongho was the perfect opportunity to confront him. And yet I stayed where I was, hoping to at least make eye contact.

We never did.