𝙁𝙞𝙚𝙧𝙘𝙚 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚

Chapter 29 - Unveiled Pain

Tiara's Pov

.......Just fill us in then with all the information." Mumma finished with whatever information she had for me. My heart which was already beating faster before the exchange, starts beating ten fold faster. The panic from earlier churns my stomach, turning it into a stomachache. Marriage was a subject I was dreading will come up soon but I didn't expected it to be now, when I want to be with someone. My hands and face starts sweating and my mind goes into the loop of overthinking. But somehow I manage to reply, "I don't think I am ready for marriage, yet."

Mumma sighs and asks, "Will you ever be? You are old enough already. Kia will be of a certain age soon, too. I don't understand what you want. We have given you all the things you need. Proper education, permission to live a life out of home. For once can't you listen to us and not be a problematic kid." Every word she spoke pinched my heart. After all this years, it still hurts. My vision blurs but I look towards the sky to not let the tears escape. 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦, I promised myself years ago. I reply sternly, "I don't want to get married now." Immediately she asks, "Why? Do you have someone in your life?"

The answer to this question was unclear to me. I don't know if I have him. I appreciate what we have but will we be anything more? Can I trust someone? Will he ever be that someone? I don't know. I don't know myself. What if I ruin everything? Lots and lots of questions clog my mind. I know I want him but. I choose not to share anything so I reply with , "No. I am just not ready to have someone in my life."

After a minute of silence mumma says, "Just visit home. We will talk about it later." I hurriedly reply, "No. I don't have time now. My promotion is on the line and I can't risk it now." Mumma almost yell, "Stop being so problematic Tiara. For once let me take a breathe. You left us to enjoy while we are here, listening to people talk about our family as if it's not your aging but a scandal. Do you even realise what type of talk relatives are talking? What will I say to your father? He will blame me for raising such a brat, like others. You want me dead. Just tell then. People already assume so many things because you never visit. You will come home that's it."

She says all of it in one go. But the words settle into my heart like thorns. The tears that I tried to stop from escaping finally had their way. My hands starts shaking as I try to take a deep breath and calm the fuck down. I take a shaky breath and answer her with all the hurt. "Do you ever realise what you say mumma? I was never a problematic kid but you people were the problematic parents. Have you ever considered what I feel? What I want but not what other want from me? And you think I left you all to enjoy? I wish it was true mumma. And about father, for once, for god's sake stop considering what he want and think." I take one more breath.

I start once more while crying through all of it, "You have already ruined yourself because of him and in the process you destroyed me too. And no mumma I never wanted you dead and I still don't want you dead. I wish I could hate you that much." I finish with a whine as my heart breaks a thousand pieces. Mumma says while sounding hurt, "Tiara!" I take one more breath and simply state, "I will not be returning home," and hang up before she could say anything. Tears starts to flow more easily and my shoulders slumps. I am too tired. I don't stop myself from crying.

For once, after years I let myself cry by myself. I never intended to hurt her. It wasn't something new but yet after years it felt like a sin. In the last I made a habit of all this words. I learned to not take things to heart because everyday it was the same. But I guess, unexpectedly, I unlearned it. Every hurtful words and memories starts surfacing in my mind. The more I remember things, the more I slump and cry. It hurts my heart and brain. A headache was making its way already. Soon I straighten and wipe my eyes as I hear sound of footsteps, approaching.