Serendipity

Whelve

Whelve; to bury something deep; to hide. Chapter 5-

Walking into the two story home in Texas I had expected to feel something.

But I just,

Didn't.

Aunty Grace had opened her home to me. She had a room all made up for me it was nothing like my floral granny bedroom that I'd spent the last 16 years of my life in. It was beige with grey furniture and crystal vanity and chest o draws. It was perfect. A room that had no expectations behind its furnishings for the girl who was suppose the survive the next 12 months here.

"Ophelia. Really we can look after you. Just come home with us. Fuck dad. Fuck him seriously for dumping you half way across the world without us. We haven't been apart more than a week our entire lives and he just expects us to leave you here. Fat fucking chance." Shaun was not happy to say the least. But it was that comment alone which confirmed my gut feeling that I was doing the right thing by stay here. Without them. The wanted to 'look after me' I didn't want to be looked after. I wanted space. I wanted to leave the reminders of her behind. The reminders of what I had done. Some may call it running from my problems. Heck yeah I was running and I couldn't get away fast enough.

"You already agreed to have him let you guys come and drop me off. I'll be fine this will be good for me. To have a woman in the house. I'm getting older it'll be nice to get to know Aunty G." I forced a tight smile that didn't reach my eyes to try to back up my bull shit statement. I was becoming surprisingly convincing these past few days at telling people what they wanted to hear. Comforting words that I was doing well and reassuring them they didn't have to worry seem to have people giving me a little breathing space that I desperately needed. I didn't want anyone getting close enough for fear that the might see right through me.

"Remember, when you use to get scared on the boat so I wore floaters just so you wouldn't be alone?" I nodded "Just remember you're not alone Phe I will always be here for you." Shaun said just as Lachlan walked in the door with my last suitcase.

"Could've helped you fuckers, how much shit did you pack Phe?" Lachy asked.

"Um. I'm staying for a year so pretty much everything?" I said.

"yeah right, you'll be calling us to come home before the months up." Lachy deadpanned.

This is exactly what I was sick of. I didn't like them assuming they knew me. Nobody knew me or the demons that had they hands wrapped so tight around my ribs that I couldn't intake a full lung full of air.

"Well see" I grumbled.

After lunch it was time for the boys and dad to leave. With a lot of reluctance both brothers kissed me on the cheeks and gave me massive bear hugs hopped into the car and headed back to the airport. Once I saw the car pull to the end of the road and disappear I think I inhaled for the first time since Viv and I were giggling in the footpath on Palm drive.

Alpha

We're a phone call away.

Bravo

Any day or night.

Charlie

Love you too, and I know.

I clicked my phone off, looked up at the stars. I inhale the warm Texas breeze. I whisper to the foreign sky's like I've done for the past 10 years speaking to my mother up in the milky way. Now I guess I'm talking to V as well. I just know mum is loving her up there fixing all her broken pieces and in a way I envy V for being up there. The two people who I want most on this earth.

'I miss you both, I'm not sure that I can have any heart left for breaking. Please watch over Dad and all the boys. I can't bare losing anyone else.'

I send my silent prayer.

Then it hits me. Nobody here knows me, par Aunty G. I am a master of failure and letting those around me down. I couldn't imagine this time last year that I'd end here with everything that's happened. So I cannot even imagine who I'll be or if I'll even make it to this time in 12 months. But I do know that I will not be letting anyone here get close enough to me to let them down. I swear right here, right now under this foreign sky. I will not fail anyone else. I will make Aunty G's life as easy as possible having me here. She has saved me from drowning in the shattered remains of my heart at home. She saved me from suffocating from the guilt and heartbreak I've cause Lachlan, Shaun, Kieran and especially Knox.

I turn to walk inside I realise I've been standing frozen on the front nature strip for well over 2 hours. I guess I am still getting my grasp back on reality and getting lost in my own mind.