Dust & Gold

19

It's been a few days since I sent my location to Lan Zhan. I was not really upset that he didn't come to me as soon as he got it but I also did feel a bit odd. I felt as if anxiety was filling my lungs and it became hard to breathe for a while. It was nearly noon, and it was a stormy day today. I stayed in the house to keep dry and sat at my desk with black sheets of talisman paper and ink. I was starting to work on new projects to keep busy.

After some time, not only did I start to feel cold, but my legs felt like they were aching. This was unusual for me as I cannot usually feel these kind of things. I then remembered the bond between Lan Zhan and me and I could actually feel his pain even though I cannot feel mine. I stood up quickly and looked out one of the windows only to see someone kneeling outside on the pathway to the front door.

This person I knew who it was. It was Lan Zhan. He was kneeling, his robes soaked from the pouring rain and also unkempt and filthy from the mud around him. How long has he been kneeling there? I quickly ran outside, "Lan Zhan, what are you doing?" I asked.

"I am sorry for failing you," he told me.

I sighed and knelt in front of him, "you did not fail me. I just felt like I didn't belong there. I hardly saw you, I didn't know anyone other than your brother and Shufu. No one even wanted to try and talk to me. I wanted to stay by your side but I was suffering. If I did not do anything, who would have?" I told him.

"You should have told me about it," Lan Zhan said.

"I am not used to depending on someone so much," I said, "I am sorry."

Lan Zhan was silent and just looked at me. I stared back at him waiting as he looked like he had something on his mind. It was pouring rain and it only seemed to get worse throughout the day. There was even thunder rumbling off in the distance. It made me nervous and I had to get Lan Zhan inside and dry him off.

I stood up, "come," I said holding out my hand, "we will talk inside after you get cleaned up. You could get sick from sitting in the rain like this."

Lan Zhan nodded and took my hand. Once inside, he removed his boots as I did. I had him wait as I drew him a bath and let him clean up. He had fresh robes already with him so I didn't have to worry much about that. While he was cleaning up, I cleaned up with a simple bowl of hot water and a cloth before getting into dry clothes. I then prepared tea for Lan Zhan as he might like some to help soothe him after sitting outside for who knows how long.

Lan Zhan soon returned and stood before. Without any warning or even concern, he grabbed me by the arms and shoved me back into the nearest wall. His lips crushed mine in a fury. I could tell with just this one kiss, that he was eager to be close to me again. I didn't necessarily know how much he is affected by this bond between us. I am slightly different because I can't feel as well as he does. Mentally and emotionally are find but physically it's hard to know.

I went to wrap my arms around his neck but Lan Zhan grabbed my arms and pinned them above my head by the wrists. His other hand had me in a tight embrace. His tongue eagerly pressed against my lips asking for entry. I let out a soft gasp which caused my mouth to open slightly. It gave Lan Zhan the opportunity to push his tongue past my lips and curl around my own.

I could barely breathe and my head was spinning. I felt light headed and hot. It was entirely new but it was something that I felt I was okay with. The burn in my lungs had me feeling for once. I never once felt this before. Lacking breaths so my lungs burned as I wanted more air. Lan Zhan pulled his lips away after biting my bottom lip. He then ventured down my chin to my throat and to the crook of my neck.

A soft moan left me as I felt his lips against my skin. I felt him let my wrists go which gave me the opportunity to finally wrap them around Lan Zhan's neck. He then lifted me off the floor and helped me wrap my legs around his waist. My back was still pressed against the wall. His body put more pressure onto mine and it felt so good. His hands rested under my butt as he held me in place.

This was getting very out of control and I wasn't sure if this was going to go much further. I was not sure if I was ready for that either. Lan Zhan seemed to have picked up on my worry and eased his head back so he could look me in the eyes, "I won't do anything to you. I will only do so with your consent," he said.

"Thank you," I said breathlessly, "it's not that I'm not wanting to, but it's just that I'm not ready for that step yet."

"I know," he said, "you and I need to sit down and talk but I just really needed to hold you like this. To kiss you and touch you. It has been so difficult without you."

"I apologize," I said, "what has your Uncle and Brother said?"

"They are fine," Lan Zhan answered, "they are aware of the Wen Sect's intentions and are currently preparing for it. I need more clarification about it though."

"I can tell you more about it," I said, "but could you please put me down so we can go sit and talk at the table?"

"Very well," Lan Zhan replied.