I Wonder What It Would Be Like (Boy Love Novel)

End To A Lost Relationship

"Just tell me your story." He nudged his foot then chuckled.

"Our story." Joseph chuckled softly. "The cliché' day I fell in love at first sight? That sounds stupid right? Something I thought was ridiculous." He dropped his head and Jacob watched as his cheeks got red. "I mean it probably sounds ridiculous, an eighteen-year-old falling in love at first sight and with a guy."

"I've never known you to be ridiculous or just jump into something without fully analyzing it to death."

"I did, I've tried to dissect this and rationalize my feelings but, in the end, I just liked him so damn much from the first moment I saw him. I'm not supposed to because we're both guys, that's what is being shoved down my throat every day. They don't know anything, but I guess it's some sort of proactive mission they're both on."

"But you got past that with Timothy, so how did it happen?"

"I was in the library, and I heard someone behind me say something about how tall the basketball players were, and it must be nice to be that tall. I looked up you know out of curiosity, but I saw Timothy and that was it. When I looked up, he was already looking at me. He was with two other guys, but I only saw him. His smile instantly took all that toxicity she gave me that I hid behind and began to erase it. It was as if locking our eyes on one another opened up a bubble that no one could come into. He looked at me and his eyes sort of washed over me, like he was cleaning me because his look was so pure. There was this radiant glow coming from a soft smile."

"Damn." Was this love, he didn't know this feeling? Rebecca never gave him anything but occasional companionship. Realizing now that he had romanticized his relationship with Rebecca he felt like a fool. "I don't know Joseph, that sounds pretty incredible."

Joseph chuckled softly. "I know right? He sat down at the table across from me and just watched me, he was pretending to read a book. I felt myself wanting to get closer, but I couldn't move. Before I realized it, they announced the library was closing and when I looked around almost everyone was gone, including his friends. We had just been sitting there for two hours looking at each other. He didn't even ask me to join him when we were walking out. I just sort of walked towards him and he tilted his head almost inviting me as we walked out together."

Was this what it was supposed to be like for everyone? He thought of the way girls acted around Finn, that attraction, that want was because it was Finn. At no point did Jacob think that this was okay for other people as well, that this was something other people were allowed to want and have. That he might be allowed to experience this level of desire, that he deserved more than settling as she labeled it, that he could want more from someone. "Did you talk to him?"

"We left together and walked side by side for about two more hours then eventually ended up at the dorms. I wasn't even aware that we had been walking around the campus, it was just nice. When we got to the dorms, we both just sat down on one of the benches without saying anything. I realized I hadn't eaten so I gathered up the nerve and asked if he wanted to go to the store to get food, but I hadn't realized how late it was, and the gates were closed. I had spent an entire afternoon with a stranger and hadn't said anything except to ask if he wanted to go to the store."

"You just sat there?"

Joseph looked at his phone again and smiled. "He asked if I was busy, and I said no then he texted someone and he asked me to wait for a bit. I was sitting next to him quietly, I wanted to talk to him, ask him a million questions but it's like my lips were glued together. Eventually one of the guys I saw earlier showed up with a ramen bowl and two forks and two bottles of water. It was his roommate Michael, he's the one that's with him right now."