I Wonder What It Would Be Like (Boy Love Novel)

The Hook

Chapter Eight

Jacob was fighting the urge to turn and look directly at Michael. Had he seen him correctly, was he really as handsome as he thought he had been or was he getting caught up in the possibility of true love and love at first sight? Like Joseph had said earlier, that would be ridiculous right? He had never been attracted to a guy and for proof he had the epitome of beauty with him every day. He knew how attractive Finn was but had never been attracted to him himself. This was probably some sort of descent into massive confusion because of his turbulent feelings for Rebecca and Joseph's cool story, topped off with how nice Timothy seemed.

Still, what if? He wanted to turn and look at him, how? His muddled thoughts were interrupted as Michael started talking. He could turn and look at him now, it was the perfect excuse but why, why couldn't he bring himself to look over at him? How dumb, how utterly stupid was this that only his ears seemed to be functioning as Michael spoke.

"Do you mind if we're there or close by when your friend talks to him? Steven can be moody. He's not violent but I know this is the first time he's confessing to someone. I know he told someone else on the team about the note and that he's never been interested in a guy before. I happened to overhear him but it's not like he was hiding it either."

Joseph wondered if maybe this confession would be too much for Finn. "What's your main concern Michael?"

"Embarrassment? I guess maybe that's what makes me nervous, that a couple of people know about it, and he might get embarrassed if it doesn't turn out well. I guess it's embarrassment that concerns me more than anger, maybe we can calm him down if he gets upset."

Jacob remained motionless, staring at his phone. Oh my God, how damn stupid am I? Why didn't I turn to look at him, he was talking, that was a perfect excuse. Wait, why do I need an excuse? I could just look at him now, now, n.o.w. Come on, turn and look at him, I believe in you Jacob, you can do this. Why am I talking to myself about this? Just fucking look at him. One...two...three...well shit this isn't working. Fuck!

He kept his gaze lowered but noticed Michael rubbing his hands, fidgeting nervously on his phone. His nails were trimmed neatly, and his fingers were long, perfect for a basketball player. What would it be like to hold hands with someone whose hand was larger than his? He peeked at Timothy and Joseph, their hands held such a soft embrace for two guys. That seemed weird to say in his head but truly Timothy's hand held Joseph's so gently it was sweet. Every bit of how Timothy was with Joseph was so incredibly sweet. He felt something deep inside hurt, an almost suffocating ache.

He returned his gaze to Michaels hands then saw something that much like Joseph explained took his breath away; Michael was looking at him using his phone screen. This entire time Jacob thought Michael had been fidgeting with his phone, he now knew it was a means to stare at him. He felt his heart pound against his chest as the two locked eyes through a phone screen. Again, that sinking sensation in his stomach. There it was the hook, there was a hook, why was there a hook, why was he happy about the hook?

He needed to talk to Joseph, shit, but how could he pull apart those two that kept whispering and laughing softly. SHIIIIT! If he kept thinking about it, if he kept looking at him like that, if he kept seeing that they were both nervous he might do something stupid, he might start to believe stupid things. FUCK! Just concentrate on the conversation, this is all in your head, look at him he could have any girl, and you look, well you look like a guy. A deep sadness began to take over his body. Stop looking dummy, you like girls, you liked Rebecca and there are girls that you've thought were cute. This is easier, people expect this of you, you can't like a guy. Again, a sinking sadness began to fill him.