Behind Closed Doors

6. Confronting the problem

Charles left ahead of time again, leaving me fighting my intrusive thoughts with Arthur alone

I prepared the toasts and orange juice like yesterday and place it on the little kitchen table waiting for Arthur to get out of the bathroom, I decided the easiest way to avoid any more interactions that might lead into something that we might crave but most likely will regret

"Nick would you please help me out again" he says walking into the kitchen with just a plain white shirt and underwear, holding the Antithrombin in his hands again and without saying anything I take the syringe out of his hand and gesture him to sit and lift his shirt which is covering his thigh before use the gauze to wipe over his thigh again, my fingers wandering up higher as I intended, slipping slightly beneath his underwear. Giving in to my intrusive thoughts for just a moment

I quickly give him the injection to move away from what just happened

"Are you still going to deny this?" Arthur asks me after I threw away the gauze and syringe

"Deny what?" I ask him acting completely clueless, he gets up and walks towards me, an attempt to back away fails when my back hits against the kitchen counter and he gets incredibly close, making it hard to breathe, I feel my pulse increasing but somehow I stay strong, a serious expression on my face as Arthur gets a little bit closer with his small limp, cupping my cheek while staring into my eyes, reading through all my lies and cover ups, breaking down all the walls I built up over time. Just with one simple motion

"I think you know what" he says and I place my hand one his' that's on my cheek, holding it in place and I close my eyes for a bit, letting go of everything thats on my minf

"Arthur... I..." I want to deny it but my body wont let me

"Just allow it" he says and pulls my face closer to his, leaning in for a kiss and then my common sense comes back

"No just stop" I push him away softly

"Whats wrong?" He asks me confused, which I understand I totally love that moment we just had but it is still so wrong

"I should go..." I say stressing out and walk to the guest room and pack my stuff

"What? What about the race?" Arthur says

"Tell Charles I got sick or something" I say quite loud

"Why aren't you going to the race? It's not by brothers fault" he tells me and I stop what im doing and sigh

"Because every second im with you I am fighting with myself to do the right thing for Charles. I can love you with all my heart and Id still have a feeling that what we're doing is wrong" I say and grab my charger

"So you're gonna ignore this" he says pointing to him and me "because of my brother?"

"Exactly, your family has been there for me whenever I needed them and I don't want to ruin this beautiful thing you all got" I say

"Well, running away will ruin it anyway" he responds and I turn to look at him

"Im not running away"

"You are packing your stuff of course you're running away" he says and I look at my bag with all my stuff in

"Im doing this for both of us" I tell him

"No you're not, you are doing it for neither of us. You're only doing this for Charles"

"Thats not fair.." I answer

"No whats not fair is that you are thinking about this like some kind of injury you got to fix. You're pushing me away for damage control" he says

"This is not damage control..." I respond

"Then what is it? Tell me you don't feel things when we're real close and tell me im just imagining things" he says grabbing my hand and pressing it on his chest "this is all you" he says as I can feel his heart racing

"I can't..." I say and slowly pull my hand away "when Lorenzo said that something happened I ran up the stairs because I was afraid it was you. Vince didn't wanna go to your family events because he hated the way we looked at each other at them" I tell Arthur basically admitting that I felt these things for a while but I suppressed them long enough

"You where eying my while you were with Vince?" Arthur asks

"I was always eying you, I mean look at you. You got a big heart, you're nice and caring and you're not bad to look at either" I say "and I know whatever I tell you about how wrong this between us is, you're not going to stop because when you set your mind on something nothing can stop you" I say

"See, why are you even trying to walk away from this? You know I'm not gonna let this go"

"Its because someone needs to... were going to the race together and you're gonna spend the day with your family and I will talk with Alex and after the race I'm going home and you're gonna try your best to let this go."  I tell him and he stops arguing and gets ready to go out while I am sitting in the kitchen just waiting for the regret to start hitting me