Someone to stay || JJ Maybank

31

"I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?"

"I didn't do that, okay?"

We watch in silence as JJ keeps falling apart in front of us. This took words from my mouth, and it did the same for Kie and Pope too. No one says anything, we just watch in silence.

"I got a hot tub", JJ continues, his voice cracking from the coming sobs. "For my friends. I got a hot tub for my friends."

My heart keeps breaking a little with every word he says. JJ didn't mean anything bad, he never did.

"You know what? Screw friends", JJ's voice gets more bitter as he speaks, more emotion taking over. "I got a hot tub for my family!"

"What the hell?" Kie whispers next to me. She probably had no idea either. But I don't know would've it been better if I knew about this earlier or found out like this. JJ told me something, lies, but it was something. More than most people have ever heard from him, and I hadn't realised, or tried to find out more. And now he was standing there, the truth coming out all over his body while he tried to keep it together. This wasn't how he wanted us to find out, but it happened. And I couldn't understand why would he keep it a secret for so long.

"I got this for you", he is crying now. "Guys, look what I did for you! All right?" He starts to look around like he was now doubting himself too. "Look at this!"

"JJ", Kie says. Her expression is still shocked, horrified maybe.

The tears started to stain his cheeks and his voice cracked every now and then from the crying. "No, you stop being emotional. It's fine, okay?"

But it wasn't fine, and he wasn't okay. I was not gonna let this be "okay". I start walking closer to the jacuzzi, not sure how he'd react but unable to just stand there and watch any longer.

"I mean, it's sweet, right? Everything-  Just get in alright?"

I climb up the few stairs in front of it so I'm standing in the same level as he is, and then I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him in to a hug. I expected him to push me away, shut me out, but instead he gently wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me even closer. Tears keep falling down my cheeks silently as he buries his face to the crook of my neck, his whole body shaking as he sobs.

"I just couldn't do it", JJ sobs. I keep quiet, stroking his back gently as he keeps crying against me. He didn't need to hear it was going to be okay, or that everything was fine. I couldn't promise him either of those things. But I could listen. I could be the shoulder he can lean to for support and safety.

"I can't take him anymore", his voice is high from crying and breathing uneven as he tries to speak between the sobs. "I was gonna kill him."

Maybe I should've been worried about what he said and say something about it, but in my eyes, JJ had every right to hurt his dad. In a way he saw reasonable, because he had been hurt by him. Physically, clearly, but mentally too. I kept stroking his back and hair but it seemed like he had said everything he needed to, or wanted to, at the moment. He kept sobbing while everything around us was silent. I didn't hear Kie and Pope approach us, but realised their presence when Kie's arms wrapped around me and JJ, Pope joining the hug too.

I didn't let myself think about this. I didn't know what I should've thought and would need quite a lot of time to think. And right now, it was only JJ that mattered to me. That little boy that I had seen standing in the hot tub with watery eyes, the boy who had tried so hard to keep his dad's doings a secret from me on that night in the roof after midsummers. I didn't matter, nothing mattered, as long as JJ was okay.