VENOM | TAEHYUNG

48

The evening reminded me of the banquets I peeped in to watch from the windows of homes that I'd pass by when I was a child.

How I wished to be loved like most children were. My family had always been so dysfunctional and then my father ran off , my mother got sick and died without mending her relationship with me. I ruined a future with a man that I genuinely did not know was a bully to his younger brother...Oh but the younger brother, love of my life— lord knows not a day goes by that I do not miss Kim Taehyung.

I wanted to know if he ever woke from the coma, was he well? Did he think of me as much as I thought of him? 7 months is a really long time, has he moved on?

Was he dead?

I was too afraid to return to my hometown to even find out whether the man I loved was still breathing. I was afraid his family would ship me off to a prison on an island, they hated me. I did not blame them, I caused them nothing but trouble. I just wanted to be loved, to feel wanted. I always carried the weight of the world on my shoulders, the sins of my parents. I just wanted to feel normal — Taehyung helped me feel normal. He looked at me as if I  were worth loving. He didn't care that we met at the club when I was a lap dancer, working for a low pay rate and tips from men who only enjoyed using me.

I miss Taehyung.

"Do you think izzy will marry him?".

I place down the tray of wine glasses and turn to Eden who had been helping me cater all evening. She was indeed a splendid child. Her parents had dropped her off at the convent when she was just 3 months old, they wanted nothing to do with her, so the nuns raised and loved her as their own. "I'm not sure. Would you miss her if she did get married?", I asked. "I don't think so. Izzy has never been my favorite lady in waiting. All she ever yapped about was men", she snobbed. I let out a chuckle and give her head a playful nudge. "Don't let anyone hear you say that. "It's the solemn truth, Ana ", she giggled.  "We know that, but the others could get upset with izzy for speaking that way in a place of worship", I advise, earning a nod from her. "Good, take these rolls to the table. I'll be there soon. Stay out of the mud puddles, it'll stain your dress", I hand her another basket of fresh rolls. I had to refill these wine glasses. The rain had begun the second the priest brought the unknown man to the convent. They took it as gods blessing over the union of the two future love birds.

I don't know about izzy, but I'd feel so awkward and uncomfortable if I had to get into an  arranged marriage. What if the man was a criminal? A murderer? The thought alone sends shivers down my spine. I fill up the glasses and am about to lift the tray when I notice the lights of the chapel flick on. I prayed that the kids hadn't got bored of the ceremony and went to play in there, Mother Esther will have a fit. I leave the wine tray and rush through the rain to get to the chapel, the mud had splashed on my clothes, not that I cared— no one was even looking at me.

"Kids?", I call out as I entered the silent chapel. My eyes bouncing around to check if they were hiding. The aroma of the rose scented candle filled the sanctuary, just like it does every morning when I light it. My feet slowly pace to the alter, staring at the flaming candle. If this were me from 7 months ago, I'd be pissing myself from fear but I'm sure the kids were in here. I inhale sharply and life the candle, since its already flickering, why not say my night prayer. I close my eyes, breathing in its familiar scent and whispering —

"Dear lord, help me to follow the light ".

"I'd love to experience the light too".

My eyes open and I turn to look at the man standing beside me— his eyes on the status of christ ahead of us. The candle dies down before it hits the floor underneath my weak feet. I blink several times, making sure the rain hadn't somehow blurred my vision, because I swear, Taehyung is standing right next to me! At arms length...I could simply reach out and touch him if I wanted.