Dopamine | Adrenaline Book Two

5- Endlessly, Unconditionally

Recommendation of a soundtrack to play while you read this chapter:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGPdAKVMkIE&t=790s

He had blue eyes, blue eyes that glimmered with gray and the peacefulness of a cloudless sky, while at the same time the waves that crashed against each other in the deep sea. Eyes in which you drowned every time you looked at them, forgetting to resurface for air.

Beneath the rare tears that coated the skin of his cheeks laid the scars of wounds the naked eye could not see. Healed wounds that made his skin thicker than before, coarse and harsh, making it impossible for him to feel the caring touch of a loved one when it reached for him.

But all Charles could think was, I'm sorry about the wounds underneath your skin. But why did you also have to also make them mine?

Max raised his hands to his own face to brush the tears away, as if upon seeing all his flaws and weaknesses laid bare Charles would use it against him. As if by simply brushing away the traces of his sadness he was protecting himself from whatever words could be used against him. As if with that he somehow became invisible, untouchable. He braces himself for impact. Such a one-sided reaction, like a wolf with a tail underneath its legs at the sight of a lamb.

He doesn't know what to do with his feelings. He never did.

He didn't have to collect your sharp broken pieces like this. He never did.

Part of Charles had died the day he lost the championship, the day he lost him. But the part of him that lived was the one that held on to the stupid hope that he'd get everything he lost back to him. Charles was a hopeless romantic to everything in life, that's what kept him breathing even in the saddest moments. That man had left a tattoo on him, and he feared he'd spend the rest of his life knowing that nothing could amount to what he'd shared with him.

"Max..." Charles spoke and Max met his gaze again as if to say - what could you possibly tell me that would make my gaze soften for you once again?

"I care about you," Charles declared firmly, done with whatever game they had found themselves in. "Earlier, you asked me if any of it was real, and I can't believe that it has ever been a question when I can't stand to look at you without feeling like my heart wants to escape my chest and run to you. I spent my childhood by your side, viewing you as my direct competition, but I was never happier than when it was you and me in that track. There were times when I was doing everything in my power to show what I was capable of, not because I needed to win, but because I wanted to be better than you. I needed you to know that I could keep up and that even when you were ahead of me, you'd never have to look far behind to see I was right by your side. From the moment I kissed you, I knew that I was done for, Max. I knew from that instant that I have been waiting for you my entire life, and now you're standing here asking me why I care, and I can't wrap my head around how you could ever think otherwise," Charles couldn't stop the words spilling from him, and even if he had the option to, he was too emotionally exhausted. The back-and-forth would be the end of him if they continued down this path.

"I know what you think of me right now, and I'm done trying to convince you otherwise when I know where your stubbornness leads. That night in your hotel room was one of the worst because I have had to learn to be without you after. I am so in love with you that it's tearing me apart. No amount of time could stop what happens to me when you're near, and I've come to accept that. But there's nothing you could do or say to push me away enough that it would make me stop caring about you." Placing both of his hands on Max's cheeks, Charles once again brushed his tears away and met his blue eyes. Please, let me touch you again.