Dopamine | Adrenaline Book Two

35- In Another Life?

June, 2013

Canadian Grand Prix

"So, have you thought about the Ferrari proposal?" Fernando asked as he looked for some water inside the Red bull's motorhome fridge.

"I have," Mark commented from one of the chairs as he ate his breakfast — bacon and eggs.

"So?" The Spaniard asked, squeezing the water bottle to spill the water from it into his mouth.

"I'm retiring," the Australian replied with an air of melancholy to his voice.

Fernando laughed, waiting for the punchline that never came. It was only from the deafening noise that followed his laughter that he realized that the other driver was serious about his decision. "You always say that" Fernando choked out, setting the water bottle on top of the table.

"I mean it this time, I already announced it to the team," Mark said.

"Why, I-" the younger man stuttered, closing in the distance between the two. "Is it because of Red bull? Why don't you just come to Ferrari?"

Mark looked down at his food, silently picking on it.

"C'mon..." Fernando insisted, furrowing his thick eyebrows to create a small skin bump in between his eyes. "You're still at your prime, you can still do so much still... We can still..." The man spoke frantically as if he was running against time.

"I've made my decision, Nando," the older man stated, tilting his head up to look at Fernando. "I don't want yet another year of this, I can't do it anymore."

With his heart threatening to break out of his chest, Fernando grabbed Mark's face as to have him look into his eyes, something that always seemed so hard for Mark to do. "You don't mean it," he said, his spanish accent always came out stronger when Fernando felt emotional.

"I mean it," Mark reaffirmed his words, this time looking directly into Fernando's hazel eyes.

"You can't leave me," the brunette broke out, letting go of Mark's face.

"I can't be here, It's draining the life out of me, I already gave so much of my life to it-"

"You said you loved me," Fernando said as he turned around, hiding the fact tears began to stream down his face.

"I do, Fernando..." Mark said, raising up to reach out to the other driver. "It doesn't change what I feel for you, but I want to live life a little... I want to take care of Oscar, he's starting to get serious with karting and..."

"He's not even your kid!" Fernando snapped out, turning around to face Mark. The second phase of grief — anger.

Mark frowned at the hurtful words Fernando had decided to throw at him, a behavior that wasn't far off Fernando's usual character but a side of him which had never been used against his lover.

"He might not be my blood but he is my son," Mark stated.

"What are you going to do, then? Play happy family with that groomer of yours?" The Spaniard, hatred bleeding out of his tongue.

Mark had started dating the mother of Oscar when he was only nineteen, she was more than ten years older than him at the time and was his manager. Ever since he had revealed the details of how it had all happened to Fernando, the younger man was never able to properly interact with the woman again. Referring to her as a groomer at any opportunity he got.

"Stop this, she knows of us and she has accepted it for the sake of Oscar, no other woman would do that," Mark said firmly, setting a clear boundary on what he was willing to hear from the Ferrari driver.