Dopamine | Adrenaline Book Two

19- Just Let Me Hold You

The only thing more cruel than Max ending what they had, was him asking Charles to stay. It would be one thing if the other man no longer wanted him after the betrayal he believes Charles has inflicted on him, but as he looked into the blue eyes, he saw no traces of hatred or disdain towards him— there was only love and sadness.

Max, despite everything he thought Charles had been capable of doing to him, still wanted a night with him and one day, a future. Charles was unsure if it was something he could promise, especially when there was no reason to put an end to them. The Ferrari driver was innocent and their relationship was being brought down by forces unrelated to him and even the love he had displayed to Max over and over again, was not enough to make the blonde believe in him.

Despite his uncertainty in the future, there was one thing Charles knew for certain and it was that he didn't want to let Max go— not now, not ever.

Setting his bag back down on the floor, Charles stood defeated in front of his lover. If he was only granted one more night with him, he would make it count. Charles would memorize every touch, every crevice, every sound that Max made and he would replay it for the rest of his life— never wanting to forget what it was like to be loved by Max Verstappen.

"Do you love me?" he whispered, closing the distance between them, now close enough to feel Max's breath on his own lips. "I want to stay, I just need to know that you'll love me back at least for tonight..," his green eyes were vulnerable, his emotions on full display.

"I loved you before, I love you now, and I'll love you forever, Charles," Max stated, his voice filled with raw emotion as he reached out to touch the other driver's face. "I hate it now... but I do," he confessed, holding Charles's face gently between his hands.

"I hate it," he repeated, spitting out words with the entirety of his heart. "I hate that this is the only thing we know how to do. I hate that we've spent our whole lives racing. I hate that if we don't win, then all of it was for nothing. And I hate that you're the one I love. I hate a lot of things, but I don't hate you. I could never."

With no words left to be said, Charles closed the space between them, reaching for Max's lips and connecting them in a delicate kiss. His mouth moved slowly and with purpose, memorizing the taste of him and the way it felt to be wanted by the other man— he wasn't ready to say goodbye to any of it but if he was being forced to again, then he was going to do everything in his power to make it count. Maybe if Max could feel how much love Charles has for him, he would believe in his words and not make him leave when morning comes.

"I hate it too," Charles confessed, breaking off from the kiss and resting his head on Max's shoulder. "The bad is starting to outweigh the good, but it's all I know. I love racing, I really do, but I would love it more if the price to pay for it wasn't you."

Looking into Max's eyes, Charles was surprised to find not an ounce of hatred in him, making the situation even harder. Max believed Charles to be capable of deceit yet loved him enough to want him again once all of this is over— Charles could almost get on his knees and beg the universe to make Max love him enough to trust in him as well. Anything to avoid a goodbye.

—

That night neither of them found a way to properly rest, weaving their way through being awake and being asleep. It was like neither of them wanted to close their eyes, to waste the precious time they still had together. God knows how long it'd be until they would be in each other's arms again.

"Did you ever think about running away...?" Max whispered, tracing his fingers along Charles's arm as they cuddled in bed. "Like in those movies where the main guy faked his death so he could disappear... I don't think they could care too much about me..." He paused, letting out a pained chuckle. "Maybe they would about you, but I think we could live with that."