Before I can think it through, I drop the whisk. My hand grabs the front of his muscle shirt, pulling him toward me with more force than I meant to, but it's like I don't care. I need him close, and I need him now.
Noah's eyes widen for half a secon...
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The mixer ended up at the beach. Someone started a bonfire and someone bought beer from the liquor store. Sonni sat with me on a piece of driftwood. She was feeling a little cold, so I gave her my flannel to wear. She was drowning in it. I thought that having an interest in Sonni would make me change how I feel about Noah. Like my love for him would dry up, but it didn't. It keeps flowing and flowing. Loving your best friend felt more like a sin. I was attached to a feeling I didn't want to regret.
I didn't want to keep leading Sonni on and have her thinking that something could happen between us. But it's my fault, I was the one who did the chasing; I was the one who impressed her, and all I was doing was leading her to hurt feelings and a broken heart.
"Hey." Sonni nudged me on my side with her elbow. "You've been quiet since we left the Karaoke bar."
I grip the lukewarm beer can in my hand. "I have?" I teased her.
The bonfire crackles and hisses. Sonni pressed her shoulder to mine and rested against me. She takes a sip of her beer. "It's like your mind is somewhere else...or maybe on someone else."
"Was thinking of what Noah was doing," I said.
Ever since we got to the beach, I haven't seen him or Annabeth around with the group. I didn't want to think about what they could be doing, two teenagers alone or the endless things that could happen between them.
"Um, Do you mind?" Sonni asked. She raised her head and leaned into me, her lips met mine, and a careful, slow kiss.
I'm still. I don't kiss her back. She immediately pulled away, wiping at her lips as she stood. "Uh, sorry, I thought maybe–" Sonni shrugs out of my flannel and sits it next to me on the driftwood.
"Hey." I reach for her hand to pull her back down on the driftwood, but she knocks my hand away.
"I'm going to find Annabeth so we can leave. I'm feeling kind of tired, anyway. Enjoy your night, Kairo." She gives me a hurt smile walking away.
Shit.
Something told me to go after her, but I didn't. I sat on that driftwood staring into the bonfire. Arjun ends up sitting beside me. A camera was around his neck and took a photo of me. The world around me moves and blurs in slow motion.
"Girl troubles?" Arjun asked, lowering his camera.
"I want to tell him that I love him," I said, taking a sip from the beer can. "But I'm scared too."
Arjun doesn't say anything for a second, just plays around with his camera before taking another picture of me, this time with the flash blinding me. "Then tell him..."
"It's not that easy."
"The worst he can do is reject you."
"Wow, Okay, thanks for your help, Arjun."
He laughs. "Sorry. Sorry. You'll never know what his response will be if you don't tell him. I don't know, Noah, the way you do, but I'm sure he's willing to hear you out without any judgment. I know what it feels like to have feelings for your best friend and I wish I didn't wait until they were with someone else to tell them how I felt in the end."
If I didn't do it now. Then when? When he's thirty with a wife and kids as I spill my guts out after dinner with his family. But thirty-year-old Noah felt so far and a lot can happen between now and then.
I guzzled down the beer and handed the empty can to Arjun.
"Now," I said, but I was more so talking to myself. "I'll do it now."
Where the hell could Noah be?
After walking along the beach I ran into Annabeth who looked more upset than Sonni had been. She doesn't say anything to me, just gives me a cold glare before storming off down the beach. Noah was sitting in the sand, looking out into the ocean, the moon was bright tonight and the tides were calm. I plop down beside him in the sand.
"Since the karaoke bar, I thought about what you said. I figured it out." Noah said. "How corny is that I think from that I realized my feelings for you—that I had them mixed up with something else? But the moment I realized this, one day something changed. Not physical, you know, or emotional. It was how I saw you, Kairo. Plain at first, but with the right amount of lighting hitting you at an angle, I saw beauty. And man, it's weird, like why the hell did I find you beautiful? But then it's more to it like, Oh, I might actually like him–"
I didn't let him finish another word when I suddenly leaned over to kiss him. Tasting the beer on his lips and tongue. Noah puts more into the kiss, pushing me on my back into the sand. How do you desperately tell someone you love them through a simple kiss?
Gently holding his face, I get lost in this moment that I dreamt about for months.
"I need to tell you something," I said, breaking the kiss and trying to collect my breath.
Under the moonlight, Noah seemed to glow. His brown eyes shone with an eagerness that flaked throughout his eyes.
"What?" he asked.
"I have loved you for a while now," I said. "I don't expect you to say you love me back or anything, but I just wanted you to know that–" Now it was his turn to shut me up with a kiss.
It's much slower, like he wants to take his time savoring this moment; tasting my breath. I pull Noah closer down to me. Even in the cool October air, I felt hot and I'm sure Noah felt even hotter.
Kissing my best friend wasn't what I expected. It might be overly dramatic if I said I saw fireworks as we kissed.
Noah rested his forehead against mine. He's lightly breathing with his eyes closed shut.
"This changes things now, you know."
"Yeah...I know."
"So now what?" Noah opened his eyes gazing deeply at me.
The noise of the group running down the beach with sparklers made Noah move from me. He's on his knees in the sand.
"--I don't know?"
"The fuck you mean you don't know? There's no turning back from kissing your best friend, Kairo."
I flicked his forehead. He whines like a hurt puppy.
"You're right," I said. "What do you want to do?"
"You're right," I said. "What do you want to do?"
I wanted him to make the decision. I wanted him to be the one to say instead of me. It lessens the blow if things don't go in the direction of what I was hoping. Noah throws himself on me with his arms around my neck, his face buried into my sandy-covered flesh. His lips softly brushed my neck as he spoke.
"I...um...I want to try dating. You know, see what the shit is like, and besides, if we both don't like it we call it quits and go back to being friends."
How do I tell him there was no going back to the familiarity of our friendship if we did call it quits? There's no living comfortably as friends once you cross that thin line between friends and lovers.
I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Yeah, we can try."
Author's Note:
I think I'll do 5ish more chapters before I end their story. Not sure yet.
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