Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
There must've been something in the air, old habits die hard, you know? At least that's what Sicheng had been told. He couldn't seem to quit his bad habits though, his life was a constant cycle of self destruction. Whether he destroyed his – already bad – physical health, or he fucked himself over mentally, he really knew how to make the worst decision.
Maybe he really did hate himself, or maybe he was too irresponsible to care about the long term picture. He was far too gone to be saved at this point, if anyone knew what he was getting ready to do, they'd recoil in disgust. Intertwining himself in the bad faith of someone else. He couldn't resist it.
He had awful taste in men, it was one of his more self destructive delicacies. The amount of times he'd had his heartbroken were too plentiful to count. It would've been great if he could say he'd become wiser to all of that, but he found himself in the same habits again. He took a drag of his cigarette, knowing what he was about to do wasn't gonna end well. He didn't care, the way he felt in his forbidden lover's presence was a high more addictive than any drug.
He was getting ready to move to Japan for education, particularly passionate about learning from an appraised choreographer at the most prestigious school in the country, it was exhilarating, but scary at the same time. He was young at the time, and didn't know anyone in Japan, but he knew their feelings about foreigners were... Mixed at best. There were a lot of variables that could've ended badly.
When he first met Yuta, he was kind. Their flight was delayed, so they found themselves sitting and chatting for a multitude of hours. They were headed to the same destination, it gave them even more time, just to pick each other's brain. He still remembered every joke Yuta made, every flirtatious remark, when he was a joyous and respectable man.
Sicheng found himself giggling and gushing like a schoolgirl, he was so naive then. Thinking that true love was obtainable. Nobody that charming could be good for him, this wasn't a hallmark movie or some kind of fairytale. The truth is, you'll always be chasing the dragon, the first high that irrevocably wrecks everything.
The connection they had was so raw, so tentative. Yet, it still found its way into getting messy. Sicheng used to be the happiest person, the time he had with Yuta at first, it was just a nostalgic memory. One painted in the most vivid of colors in Sicheng's mind, first love can do that to a man. Every time he thought back to that time, it made him sad. He'd never have that exact life again.
Yuta was older than Sicheng, just about 5 years, it wasn't enough to make things imbalanced or manipulative, but it was enough to make Yuta feel the need to get to a certain place in life before Sicheng. He was only a sheltered 20 year old when they met, shy and meek. His queerness was something that he was just coming to full terms with, and he thought that Yuta had already come to terms with that. Even the moment they met, he seemed comfortable being flirtatious with the younger, with no fear of judgement or backlash.
